Life showed up differently for me when I realized that everything is sex and sexual. Once I learned that, life became dare I say easy or easier. It’s like when you’re watching a movie and begin to cry. You are being penetrated in your heart to trigger tears. Penetration is sexual; the movie scene is going inside you. Ahhh (throat open please). Sitting in nature is sexual. Communicating with a stranger is sexual, as the communication gives rise to the inner body penetration or what we call “feelings.” Watching CNN is sexual; the news either leaves you frustrated, hopeless or pissed off. The information has penetrated and is now inside your body. With that consideration and understanding, when I now eat food or drink something tasty, I sen that excitement, nourishment and joy throughout my body temple.
As a girl, without the consciousness or language to express it, I experienced taste and physical touch as sensual and necessary to my most primal reasons for wanting to live. Color, texture and natural/artistic sensory experiences came next. I will even say that I have not had the language to express this or the affirmation of it until reading these lines from “You Look Like Something Blooming.” This book is next on our list as part of the Soul Sistah Series monthly book series and it is blowing my mind. This excerpt is just a little sneak preview, though you can pick it up and start reading anytime.
For me, it feels like a return in many ways to things I understand or acknowledge silently but have never had affirmed by anyone else and in addition, have not had the courage to affirm and declare on my own.
Food has always been love to me and being touched has always been something I crave as much as lungs crave air. I knew which of my parents were more likely to hold and touch and sooth me at different times. I knew who the good huggers were in my high school and was aware how hugs from a certain person could shift my transform energy in various ways. And since I was home-schooled vegan, whose palette was expanded at an early age by a range of non-traditional tastes, I was intensely vulnerable when exposed to copious amounts of salt, sugar and starches and dairy which I was had been strictly forbidden to consume for years.
That’s a fancy way of explaining how I became a bit of a junk food addict. LOL!
I can describe in very specific and euphoric detail, memories of the first time I ever ate sugar, white bread, cheese, ice-cream, chocolate and more because to me, taste is life, is love and continues to be one of my favorite ways to experience an intense sense of pleasure throughout my being.
I can’t describe the first time I was touched (It would be cool to hear about someone who could) but I do know that having a father who would pick me up in his arms during long walks or just randomly to pretend we were dancing at a fancy ball were some of my earliest memories of experiencing touch in a way that made me feel very safe. For a while, I didn’t even know what it meant to be outside of that feeling. I also remember intuitively hugging my mother really tightly whenever I felt she needed it.
Sensuality does not begin with sex and intimacy is more immediate and constant than we are taught to believe. I think this is the reason why, in a society that pretends to be puritanical but is really sick and perverse and uncomfortable with honest discussions of sexuality, we have very little understanding about the true nature of innocence.
Now, I’m not going to sit here an pretend that I’m not influenced by the same disturbing ideas. I’m a woman, alive in America. But I do know that I didn’t always feel the shame, reluctance, censorship and self-consciousness about my body and sexuality as a girl that I do now. I learned that shit. And now, as a full grown adult woman, I seek to unlearn it, because I can still remember what felt natural to me and it had nothing to do with dimming my light down. It shouldn’t mean that for anybody.
Check out our latest Soul Sistah Series episode where we pay homage to the Patron Saint of wild ratchet blooming, Cardi B!
We’re all glowing up together!