This has been a working vacation.
Though I came back to work from my vacation last week, I’m starting to realize that my entire vacation, right up until this very moment has been a working one. Not so much personal project work and definitely not working from home work (I never check my work email at home) but relationship work, family work, self work on a scale I have never experienced before with such intensity, intent and alertness.
Knowing that everything that happens in life has meaning doesn’t always make it easier to live. In fact it often makes it more difficult, because you can’t undo what you come to discover about yourself once you’ve made the decision to really face yourself.
That shit ain’t for everybody.
Sometimes I just want to curl up with some mindless, forumulaic, fantasy based fluff. Often I just turn on music with the hope of being able to let myself go guiltlessly in the rythym, in the song, in that place that music can allow you to go even for only a few moments. Thank God for music. And food. And family. I haven’t been thankful enough for family in a long time and I think as I’m getting older, I understand that you only get one set of biological parents and siblings and extended familty. If you can help it at all, do not take them for granted. I’ve been very lucky with my family, so very luck and loved and blessed and I’m honored and proud to say I feel the same way about my in-laws. I can’t say enough.
The past few weeks though, have been a trial on a level of surreal and intense that is just indescribable literally. I swear, if I thought I could I would, but I guess I just haven’t had quite enough distance yet.
But I will.
And when I’ve had enough distance I will share the lesson there with you.
Until then, know that whatever you’re strugglinging with now, someone else is going through something just as bad or worse than you and that if you don’t get the lesson now, you’ll just keep repeating the same damaging cycle. And that will keep you from sharing the lesson with someone else who will desperately need it to perhaps save them from the same pain.