Monthly Archives: February 2019

Sex With Me So Amazing

Like so many things I cherish, Esther Perel was shared with me by our dearest Khalilah Brann. Esther Perel is a therapist and psychologist whose primary focus is relationships and erotic intelligence, which I think is so dope. Erotic intelligence. Just think about that term for a minute. What comes to mind. What do you think it means?

I watch a lot of Youtube y’all. A LOT! And I can click on just about anything where Esther Perel speaks and be completely engaged, enlightened, enthralled and just wowed by her wisdom and intelligence and understanding of human sexuality and relationships. I always think I have some idea what she will say on a particular topic but she always ends up saying some truth I never knew I always knew! LOL! And in a way I never could have imagined. In other words, she surprises and empowers me at the same time. Since that doesn’t happen very often, I know when it’s real.

In the latest Esther Perel video I happened to click on randomly, she talks about how a woman has to be turned on by her own self before she can feel like she wants to have sex.

NOW!

It took 1.1 seconds for me to know this to be true but I’ve always thought that this quality in me was narcissistic and wrong because of the messaging I get from society about the evils of that kind of “self pleasuring.” But Esther doesn’t mince words. She’s not here to judge. She’s just saying it plain and she even uses the word narcissistic. But she’s not saying it’s bad. She’s just saying this is what it is that women need. We need to feel like we are sexy in order to have sex. “If she doesn’t want to make love to herself, she won’t let anybody else do it either.”

Nerisa

Cut to another woman Khalilah turned me onto, a Sistah named Nerissa Nefeteri, the self acclaimed “FemHealth Activist” whose Nene Feme Yoni wash stays in my bath time and shower rotation, the Sistah who brought us Yoni Poppin. I follow her on IG, another social media tool I am immersed in as much if not more than Youtube. Nerrissa will post a sexy random photo of herself and or her and her man (father of her beautiful children) in whatever position, wearing or not wearing whatever, whenever she sees fit. I can tell she gets off on herself but it’s not remotely similar to anything I would compare with pornography because she does it for herself, and not a male gaze. She could give a shit about what men are watching, though she know fully aware that they are. But these images are for herself and she shares them with us in an effort to promote a self awareness in Black women that really challenges notions of how we feel about our own  bodies, both physically, spiritually, emotionally and practically.

I’m not gonna lie. I sometimes will catch myself feeling like damn! I wish I could use visual mediums to be that bold and liberated about my own sexuality but I do worry about what people will think and about having to ward off harassment and other unwanted attention. Because I think this kind of expression is truly beautiful and sexy as fuck in a deeply transformative way. Any super sexy photos I have taken stay strictly between me and my husband. But there are times when I wish the world was not so inclined to the violence and perversity and destruction of the unleashed female imagination.

Thanks to women like Esther Perel and Nerrissa Nefeteri, and Cardi B (did you catch her Grammy performance?) I don’t feel quite as ashamed of needing to feel sexy or seeking pleasure in my own sexiness as I once did. It’s okay for us to be in love with and creative with our own sexual power. As to sharing that with other people, social media has seriously changed the game on that front by providing permanent as well as temporary options to express our exhibitionist qualities whenever the mood hits. In this Snaphat seflie thirst trappy culture, the average person can’t help but take at least one or two sexy photos of themselves that go out into the internet galaxy. The option to keep it to yourself is also always a sexy option. The idea is not to feel pressured to express your sexuality in any way that does not make you feel…sexy and safe, to understand truly what sexiness means for you.

My hope is for a future that continues to evolve into a place where women can continue to be sexually fearless. Because our sexual liberation, self care and being comfortable in our bodies usually leads to pleasure, joy, creation and community for all.

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What Have I been Up to?

WELL!!!

I have been in Jury Duty for the last two months or more and that ended literally a few days ago. I finished a large book “Killing Commendatore” by Haruki Murakami in the first month, continued to record and edit content for my Youtube channel while also watching my faves to keep me from going crazy, started and finished “My Sister The Serial Killer” by Oyinkan Brathwaite which I really liked.

There has a been a period where I was really watching a lot of Youtube wig review porn and so the last two video on my channels are about wigs from Outre and Bobbi Boss. Like this thing happens to me last at night where I just am knee deep in wig porn and….ya know! Shot happens. LOL!! Next thing you know I’m cycling out wigs to make room for new ones and my husband is giving me the stink eye.

But it makes me happy! LOL! I’m a Gemini so any opportunity to change up my look at the drop of a dime is like slipping from one fun costume into another. This is one of many ways I keep my sense of play stimulated and engaged.

I’ve also been fascinated by Netflix programming like “Grace & Frankie” (which may be one of the only shows Francis and I watch together) “Civilizations,” “The Two Killings of Sam Cooke” and recently “High Flying Bird” directed and filmed by one of my faves, Steven Soderbergh wait for it….

Entirely on iPhone!

BISSSSH!

I read this dope piece on The Ringer today about the rise of filmmakers working outside of the Hollywood system using iPhones to make movies and I am so fascinated by this. Just last week I was at the Apple store charging my iPhone 6’s shitty battery and I started talking to a rep about the potential for an upgrade. According to the piece by ringer, the technology of iPhones is staring to slowly close the gap between its capabilities and that of a professional movie camera. This may be the only reason I stick with iPhone because most times I just want to toss it. Apple’s innovation has declined so much since Jobs passed. But watching “High Flying Bird” I just marvel at Soderbergh’s imagination and creativity with this little camera and it’s really inspiring. I’m not sure I would have known it was shot on an iPhone if I hadn’t discovered the movie by way of an article in a newspaper while I was on Jury Duty.

HIGH_FLYING_BIRD_BTS_02

I’ve been toying a lot with the idea of shifting the focus of my Youtube channel to express a little bit more of my interests but I’m not quite sure how yet.

Presently I’m off from work thanks to some dead White President so I’ve taken the opportunity to edit some video, take care of some personal stuff and generally power down, do a little research and stay warm with my bae because it’s cold af outside. There are a couple of trips I plan on taking in the next few months that I’m really excited about and despite the fact that Jury Duty did start to feel like a hostage situation after the first month, I am grateful to have been away from my job for awhile. It was an interesting change and allowed my mind the freedom to focus more broadly on some things I’ve been pondering. When I sort that out, I will report back.

In the meantime, there are a couple of make up launches coming up. I need to go scheme on buying a lip color by Fenty that I already have. LOL!!