It’s lead me to have the fullest understanding so far of how my cycle works and to realize that my cycle is happening all the time in four very specific phases (Menstrual, Folicular, Ovular and Luteal) not just when I’m bleeding which is the only phase of a woman’s cycle that education usually focuses on after she begins seeing her period. The MyFlo app designed by Vitti is also like an advanced Period Tracker in that it notifies you of which phase you’re on once you enter your own period dates and of how you should be eating, exercising, loving, caring for yourself, working and planning during those times. It’s very much a game changer.
The Beautiful Struggle by Ta-Nehisi Coates
A few nights ago, I got in bed and found absolutely nothing I wanted to watch on television or the internet. Nothing. So I did something I haven’t done in a long time. I pulled a book off the shelf (The Beautiful Struggle by Ta-Nehisi Coates) got under the cover and continued reading where I left off nearly a month ago before things got really busy. I sat and I read and I read a few beautiful paragraphs aloud to myself which I also haven’t done in ages because Coates just writes some dope beautiful shit that has to be heard aloud. Shit like:
Ma would arrange us into a giggling pyramid , with Menelik up top. Dad would flick away until Kelly, John, or Kris–someone at the bottom–would get restless and shook the core. We’d tumble to the grass like clowns out of a rainbow colored car, then shove, stumble and laugh. Ma would step back and pull Menelik close. Dad just flicked away, until these moments were encased in Amber.
That whole scene plays in my mind as if I was there. Makes me remember why reading was first obsession.
On more than one occasion, my girl Khalilah has talked about how experiences are the only things she really wants as presents. The last few years or so, we’ve expressed how unaffected we are by the Holiday Madness that ensues during this commercially over developed marketing period called Christmas. As we get more mature, things are not really on our wish lists any longer. I know all I wanted this year were Sephora Gift cards! LOL!!!
Seriously. That was all.
But this year, Khalilah mentioned again that all she really wants is a vacation to someplace sunny.
I hear that!
But I never think to actually ask for it. Because…
Well who does that?
The first time I ever asked for an experience as a gift was because our wedding registry site provided it as an option. Such a thing had never occurred to me simply because I had never allowed myself to think it was something I could request.
I asked guests to fund a glass blowing workshop in Brooklyn. I have always been fascinated by the art of glass blowing. And it seemed like something extravagant and impractical that I might otherwise never get to experience. So we went! And I loved it! And I learned that glass blowing isn’t extravagant all. It’s not even cute! LOL!
You wear clothes you’re comfortable in and not afraid to get dirty, you have to work outside because the heat from the glory hole and all the kilns would be suffocating in an enclosed space and you really have to focus to avoid losing limbs or burning the crap out of yourself. At least I did. But watching glass in a malleable state be blown and manipulated is still pretty hot to me. Pun intended.
And did you know that the craft of glass blowing has hardly changed since ancient times? What could be more practical than that?
Think about that next time you’re drinking…
If nothing else, America has shown me that nothing is off the table with regards to what we are allowed to demand. It’s just that we often we ask for things, not because we actually want them, but because we’ve been told what to want.
So far, my holiday wind down has consisted of a Winter Solstice trip to Spa Castle with Khalilah which we have managed to make for all the seasonal equinoxes this year (YAY US!) and which is something that gives me so much life, and rejuvenation. I think I slept that day at Spa Castle more than I have slept in all the times I’ve been there.
The next day, my husband drove us up to a house in Saugerties, NY that we like to rent out for deep but brief decompression and unplugging. It’s a cozy and comfortable house owned by a dear friend of mine. Every time we’re there it feels more and more like a second home. I feel that it is very much intended for simple, meditative contemplation. I mean it’s surrounded by nature, so it’s kind of hard not to be drawn inward by its energy.
A whole lot more sleep happened there. LOL! But the quality of rest when you’re away in a place that provides a unique and needed experience is just qualitatively more enhancing to your life than a material gift might be. These experiences and more are things which resonate most authentically to my spirit. Aside from glass blowing, which I would love to do again someday, spa time and time away in nature are things I return to over and over to reconnect and center because they always work for me.
So this idea of wanting experiences vs material gifts of is really onto something. It’s something I want to focus more on in 2018.
Stuff; I got. In fact, I’ve been thinking s lot about adopting a more minimalist lifestyle and I’ll come back to that another time.
But asking for experiences? Funding experiences that will enhance, educate, evolve, heal, inspire and motivate?
You’re going to get sick of my “West Wing’ revelations, but watching some of the very last episodes of the last season when hot ass Matt Santos (Jimmy Smits) takes office, it becomes obvious suddenly that some of our favorite characters are not having nearly enough sex. And more than that, that they should be.
Just before they call the vote count that makes Santos as the winner, he gets so stressed out that his wife tells him he should sleep. Of course he says he can’t. She takes him up their bedroom and makes sure he rests. We never see sex on West Wing really but we know when it happens because it hardly ever does. “The West Wing” is about people so maniacally dedicated to serving in the White House that they barley notice they have no life at all outside of it. It’s one of the major issues I’ve always had with the show. I need fun and sexuality in life as well as in art. But this is just a testament to how good I think “The West Wing” is. I have never watched entire seasons of any other show repeatedly that had so little demonstration of physical and emotional affection….ever.
In the last season Josh Lyman, Santos’ campaign manager and new Chief of Staff becomes so tightly wound up and stressed out that Santos asks his aid, Donna if she knows whether or not Josh is getting any at all. It’s pretty obvious that Santos has a good work, life, sex balance and you just know it will continue even after he becomes the leader of the free world. Even President Bartlett whom he will succeed has more sex than anyone else on the show.
Josh is all work all the time and though he dates and has relationships on an off, nothing ever lasts. His life is not about lasting relationships. And he is the character I love most until the last season when he stubbornly refuses to power down, take a break, let Donna love him, and let himself love. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand most people who don’t know how to be happy. It’s not a judgement but a fact. It’s hard for me to relate but I know there are many of us who find it difficult to be happy or to think of happiness as something that can last or that there are people for whom happiness is a soul purpose. I’m not going to pretend I’m an eternal optimist. But I could never live for work. I could never live without the promise of love and happiness. And I think sex is an incredibly important part of our health, emotionally, spiritually and otherwise. I think it’s wonderful when people are passionate about their work, when they love what they do for a living. I have never had the experience except for when I create so perhaps if I did I might have a different opinion. But here’s what i do know.
A kiss can save a life.
And good sex can save many lives.
Stay tuned for my next entry about being raised in a naked house like Rainbow Johnson played by Tracee Elis Ross on”Black-ish” Thank you Rainbow for validating my childhood experience. LOL!