Category Archives: Feminine

Sean Carter Confessionals: Family Feud

The wretched of the earth do not decide to become extinct, they resolve, on the contrary, to multiply; life is their weapon against life, life is all that they have.

-James Baldwin

A man who don’t take care of his family can’t be rich. I watched Godfather, I missed that whole shit…



The year is 2444 The home is rich and lavish. The setting is coldness, anger and betrayal. Michael B. Jordan storms angrily into the bedroom of Thandie Newtown’s characteron a particularly “important day” loudly berating her capacity to be the head of a clearly powerful family only to find her in bed with a dude played by Moonlight’s Trevante Rhodes. I notice immediately how pale Thandie, Michael B. Jordan and X are. The only colors you see are like pale blues and yellows. But the paleness of their skin tone makes me think of sickness, deficiency, greed heartlessness and death. Sure enough, before the scene is done, both men are killed, Mark by Trevante and then Trevante by Thandie’s character, Game of Thrones style, because she wants the family “Throne” for herself.


Both Anthony and Trevante are both wearing clothing at the waist inspired by garb worn by men in ancient Khemit. Thandie wears a scant bandage outfit nearly identical to the one Milla Jojovich wore in the “The Fifth Element” a film set in a future that opens in an Egyptian temple and where the planet is under threat of total destruction if an essential element, which is embodied by a woman is not recovered.

Jay Z Family Feud screen grab Credit: Tidal

In the year 2148 an indigenous woman, Bird and Jacob played by Irene Bedard and Omari Hardwick are joint world leaders hailing from two great families. They respond to questions from a citizenry council about violent events that have lead to Jacob’s rise in power. Jacob recounts the legacy of his family and their struggle to uphold and maintain law and justice throughout generations. He talks about how one of his ancestors who played a major role as one of the founding mothers.

Founding Mothers

She was the primary architect of something called “The Confessional Papers” in 2050 and revised the constitution with a group of amazing women, played by Janet Mock, Neicy Nash, Mindy Khaling, Rosario Dawson and Rashida Jones just to name a few.

His ancestor, played by Susan Kelechi Watson in the year 2050 by is none other than Blue Ivy Carter.

Now we’re in Blue Ivy’s  narrational 2050 memory as she recalls her father’s words, “Nobody wins when the family feuds.”


Cut to 2018 which is basically now, where there the musical narrative of the video for Jay Z’s “Family Feud” begins. Jay-Z walks a present day Blue Ivy to sit in a church pew and then walks the front to start rapping before Beyonce who Amens at him from the pulpit in royal Blue, looking like a sanctified and sexy ass Popestress. She also appears in a black mini dress and billowy white sleeves behind the screen of a confessional as Jay speaks to her from the other side. The metaphor is plain to see now. And there is still so much left to unpack. I want this to be movie or a television series!

Blu ivy FF

I’m still on the floor!

I don’t know about you but I’ve already watched this video about five times now. I know I will lose count of how many times I watch it again and of how many other pieces of symbolism I pick out of this brilliant work of art and revolution made explicitly for the culture. I also know that 4:44 is a fierce, proud and unapologetically Black call to action to each of us who are about that life if there ever was one and I couldn’t have asked for anything better to arrive as 2017 comes to an end and 2018 kicks the door and our asses in.

Here’s to a Black Ass, Woke Ass 2018!









Leading with The Feminine in 2015

“The white western patriarchal ordering of things requires that we believe there is an inherent conflict between what we feel and what we think–between poetry and theory. We are easier to control when one part of ourselves is split off from another, fragmented, off balance.”

-Intro for “Sister Outsider” by Audre Lorde

There is so much going on right now, I can’t even begin to get to it all. The main thing is that my husband and I have finally moved into a larger fully renovated apartment in Fort Washington. In fact, we have been literally moving for the last week and a half. We spent Christmas Eve at my sister in-laws but Christmas in general was just a train that sped by me this year. We were focused. We were moving, lifting, dragging, sweating, huffing, sore, scratched. But it was all worth it. A new home for the new year is just one of the best gifts I could ever ask for right now.


This past Saturday, I left the new place to go to Home Depot, brought that paint to the old apartment in Harlem where I met my husband, then we spent over an hour cleaning out the place, removing trash, packing the last few things, putting things out to give away. Then we drove to my mother in laws in Rockland county, spend about 20 minutes getting dressed for a birthday party for a good friend of hers at a restaurant in Mamaroneck. We were there until after midnight. I spoke to my mom Sunday morning. She was like “Where are you now?” LOL!!

Where am I now?

Well physically I’m back at work after having been out for over a week. It’s a bit surreal. But mentally, I’m in a place of feeling a lot of real newnesshappening. There’s nothing more new than being in a new home and sharing that space equally with the person you love and share your life with. It’s beautiful. It’s immediate. I love that feeling! Family is also deeply integral to the things we have been able to get done in this short space of time. Family is so necessary. Family is team. Team gets things done, supports, motivates, challenges. And the feminine aspect of family is radical in it’s ability to influence the masculine. In all aspects of life this is true but in family when I believe it functions with balance, this fact it is fundamentally necessary.

To be quite honest, I have always been reluctant to fully occupy the space of woman because of ways in which I interpreted it’s meaning through the eyes of patriarchy. As a girl, and even as an adult it can be very hard to understand patriarchy even when you’re looking right at it.I hated to wear skirts or dresses because I always felt they impeded my need to run and jump and roll around. I hated the idea of wearing  a bra an fortunately didn’t really need to wear one until my 20s. But reading Judy Blume finally made bras seem like a feminine right of passage rather than a jail for breasts which is what I feel bras really are some of the time. I was equally as reluctant even though I had no doubts about getting married, to occupy the traditional space of wife as I saw it as a position of subservience on many levels that I couldn’t handle. But it’s steadily becoming obvious to me that in order for any marriage to work, both halves of the team need to cultivate their natural abilities in order to contribute to creation of something that works for both.

Feminine and masculine qualities exist in all of us but in a world where white patriarchy has vigilantly kept women disconnected from the power of our femininity (not as brought to you by Summer’s Eve or Maybelline) it has become second nature to most of us to feel that in order to have control, to feel value, to be seen and to be heard and taken seriously, we have to use the tools of constructed masculinity. Pants, power suits, no crying, chin up, chest out, doing everything on our own, never asking for help because we’ve been conditioned to see it as a sign of weakness or never admitting we need a man for the same reasons.

For myself, I know that the need for control rears it’s head in many aspects of the way in which I behave. I never even identified it until recently as an imbalance in the way I use masculinity to move through the world rather than equally embracing my receptivity, intuition and feelings. My ideas about what a wife and a woman can be, though I was raised in a progressive way by a mother who has cared for children since she herself was a child are not only pervasively patriarchal but they are also ideas which have come primarily from other women, which makes it very tricky, particularly for women of color to really understand how leading with the feminine can be empowering. Our ideas about power are deeply and systematically influenced by the masculine and so, like racism and self hatred, are a tough habit to break. The idea of leading with the feminine is also one that is difficult to embrace if you feel you’ve already embraced it in the ways which have been dominantly manipulated, policed and promoted by patriarchy.

For me, this is all really a work in progress, a discovery of the kind of “woman” I want to be because I’m realizing that being a woman is so much more than just this one thing. And maybe I’ve always known it a little bit but just never valued it?

God….I never valued it.

There’s so much I was informed about with regard to being a woman, loving myself and being connected to my higher self through spirit which I always felt I valued but am now realizing I never really did because I never really shared it with anyone and never fully lived it. What you live and share with those you love is part what it takes to allow yourself to be the person you truly are.