Oh, and one more thing. You aren’t not going like what comes after America.

-Leonard Cohen

It’s 11:31am

This is my first time getting out of bed. I still haven’t eaten or watched the news. My husband went to work.

I called out Black today.

No, I didn’t actually say that when I called out. I called out sick. I had no intention coming in. And I am sick. I am sick, and sickened, shocked and saddened, angry and traumatized. I am all kinds of things I cannot describe.

It was too silent this morning. The rain gently falling was too fitting. I didn’t want to know. But I knew. I don’t want this to be happening but it’s happened. And I can’t find my humor right now. I can’t find my hope. I can’t even leave my apt. I have to and I don’t know how I’m going to.

My mind won’t stop racing.

I feel so unsafe.

I feel so unprotected (not as if I was before)

But the layers of illusion have been stripped

Ripped away now

And the truth is….

A racist, rapist, sexist, hate mongering crook has been elected to the highest office in the land.

This is America, truly America.

It’s never been great, not once.