I’ve felt very alone in crowds but never in nature

 

This weekend I dragged myself to the Central Park Conservancy to see Magnolia trees in full bloom as if my life depended it. Because it did. It was he first time since the Spring began that I have been there. I had all these plans to take photos and the first thing I did was just plop down on a bench, kick my feet up and let the sun’s hands cradle my face. It felt so damn good, just like love. If that was all I did that day, I would have been happy. I listened to the silence, the faint sounds of children playing (it was Easter Sunday) and the amazing bird calls from tiny feathered bodies in hidden places I never saw. I drank it all in greedily because I have been starving for it so long.

There are so few places where I feel like I actually belong but I have never, not as long as or as far back as I can remember, ever felt alone in nature. Whenever I’m in nature I feel as if I am with returning home. I let go. I rest. I recharge. I explore. I get inspired. It’s free and abundant and I thank God for it.

I also have no fear of tramping all up and through Central Parks’ isolated spots. For some reason, I never feel fearful when I’m taking isolated paths. I wouldn’t recommend it. But I’m crazy and this is just a fact that occurs to me long afterward. I follow my intuition about what feels sketchy and what feels safe but I never imagine the worst when I’m in nature. I really feel very protected and at home. I feel welcomed. If for any reason I don’t feel that way I know it’s because of some negative energy and I don’t question my intuition about that.  I just move.  Somehow that’s easier for me to do when I’m in the woods. I can remember walking from North to South Campus at night on a road with no lights, years ago when I attended Bard College. I rarely felt like afraid of the darkness among the trees. I don’t know why. And there were definitely real dangers at large there.

Like I said, I’m nuts. I’m possibly also very naïve.

I just know that there isn’t much that can keep me away from the feeling I get when I’m surrounded by tall thick trees or lush, lovely gardens spilling over with a festival colors, fragrances and textures. I can get lost for hours and never mind if I don’t see one person, because I’m not alone. In nature, I’m never alone.

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