All posts by Urban Eve

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About Urban Eve

I'm a Black woman in a white washed world which is shifting gradually and beautifully into consciousness. I have an overdeveloped sense of play, a love of nature, art, photography fashion, literature, irreverence, irony. I am a late bloomer, a girly woman, a sado-sensualist, a pleasure cooker, a shedonist, a huge film fanatic, lover of DIY craft and the endless gifts of nature. I love that I was born a Black Woman because there is no limit to the potential I will unfold and manifest through my re-connection to my rich, broad, magical, spiritual history and ancestry, through research, community, nature, prayer, imagination and creativity. I like being still, moving swiftly and creating instinctively.

Goodbye Black Beauty Box

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I saw the update in their IG feed yesterday. In my mind the thought “We can’t have nothin” popped up. I had paid up for the next six months. September will now be the last and all six month subscribers will be refunded the remainder of their payment.

siiiiiggh…..I can’t help wondering what really happened.

Julep

Stitch fix (which sucks in my opinion. I cancelled my shipments a month ago)

Gwynnie Bee

Still rolling along. But the one and only beauty box subscription I know of that catered to Black women and Black businesses is now discontinued, over and done.

“The landscape for monthly subscription boxes has changed…” was the only response repeatedly given by way of explanation to various sad and annoyed inquiries like mine.

What does that mean?

I’m not going to act like the Essence Beauty Box was always on point but for me it became one the best things about a magazine which, in my opinion has been struggling to keep up with the times both aesthetically and content wise. My monthly beauty box exposed me to some products which have now become staples in my life and beauty regimen, and I so looked forward to my little monthly treat of five or six hot beauty products formulated with my skin, hair, face and body in mind. It made me feel special. I squealed with joy every time my box came to my office in the mail. It just didn’t last long enough.

So I hope this last September box is amazing. I won’t spend too much time missing it. Instead I’ll start looking into how to create a subscription box that someone like me would love. Because I guess this is the part where you have to create what you feel is missing in the market right?

Right.

 

 

 

I use it in my Salad, I use it on my Face

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Apple Cider Vinegar is the main ingredient in my nightly facial toner.

By now you must know that ACV has varying healing, cleansing and balancing properties for your skin. Until a few months ago I’d always heard but never known it for myself until I started using it myself. I saw the difference right away. Spots on my skin have started to fade, my skin feels tighter and smoother.

APPLE CIDER VINEGAR!!!

You know how long I keep a bottle of AVC in my kitchen?

MONTHS.

Over a year.

It lasts forever. It’s strong stuff so a little goes a long way since it’s always advised to dilute when taking internally or applying to skin.

I will never buy toner or toner like products again.

Every night I wash my make-up off, cleanse with Witch Hazel and dab on a mixture of ACV, water and a few drops of tea tree oil. My skin creates it’s own oil so I don’t feel the need to moisturize before bed, only in th2011-10-16-make-apple-cider-vinegar-586x322-mg3g5is5kebou8u8myglputahnqssrszkq7u6ztspwe morning before I put on make-up. I look forward to this nightly ritual, of patting my face with cotton ball, knowing that the ACV is working it’s antibacterial, anti-fungal magic during the night.

Products that have a multitude of uses like ACV, coconut oil and Dr Bronners Soap are the shit to me. Like I’m really trying to focus on investing in  products that you can do at least two or more things with. If I’m buying make-up I love for it to be something I can use on my face, eyes and lips. Not only does it save money but it also appeals to the child in me that still loves to play with my food or taste what I put on my face or wash my hair with. LOL!

 

“Who Shot Sports?” Javan Emory

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What I really loved about this exhibition at the Brooklyn Museum was the story told about each photo, about each photographer and about how and why they made or captured the photo. I was able to spend a good amount of time with most all the images, looking at them and then reading about them which gave me a deeper understanding about the historical context, the photographer’s views and the reasons  why each photographer worked within the genre of sports photography, what they looked for and whose work they were inspired by. I was excited to view this exhibit but I had not been expected to be so absorbed by it. I’m not a sports fanatic in the least but I do love photography and the power behind images that capture the magic and majesty of the sports player in motion and in stillness.

Although I tend to love taking photos of work at exhibitions, particularly those that restrict them, (heh) I went to this one knowing that I wanted to take everything in and not be distracted by the pressure to capture anything at all. So much work had already gone into the images selected for this show. I just wanted to take it all in.

The only photo I did take was of an image in the very beginning of the exhibit of a man named Javan Emory by an anonymous photographer. The monochromatic photo of a Black man with the catcher’s mask on, posed firmly like a tree taken between the 1870s-180s was irresistible to me. The fact that the photographer was unknown made it all the more necessary to sneak a shot, though of course the image can be found by quickly Googling the name Javan Emory.  Here’s what really gripped me when I read the card about Emory.

“Javan Van Emory was a celebrated catcher at a time when catching was dangerous and required real courage. His capabilities as a catcher during an exhibition game for a National League “proved to be so threatening that Major league baseball drew the color line in direct response.” It also goes on to describe that the regard that fans, Black and White had for him was also reflected in the unknown photographers use of dramatic light and composition as well as the “sensitivity to the different techniques required for lighting Black skin which, is modeled by highlight rather than shadow. It is also seen in the photographers decision to pose the subject in a forceful posture with direct eye contact.”

The image itself grabbed me immediately as I walked slowly passed early sports photos wherein players  had to emulate movement to communicate motion at a time when photographic methods was not yet created to capture speed. But the more I read about the image, the man, the dangers of the catchers position in early baseball and the legend of Emory’s skill, the more I loved it. I wondered what kind of man he was and who he could have been as a sports figure if he had not been held back. And I was thankful for the photographer who honorably created this portrait of Emory and allowed his powerful dignity to shine through in one image perhaps the only one that ever existed of Emory, suited up for a sport he clearly had an exceptional talent and passion for.

15 Minutes

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The past few weeks at my job, I have elected to take a 15 minute break that I’ve been allowed to take since I started working here full time in 2006. I don’t know why I never elected to take it before. But in any case, during a meeting I had with my supervisor about my time, I decided I would take my 15 minute break every day at noon.

So the in the past week or so, everyday at noon I go outside. I walk. I breath in the fresh air. I look up at the sky and the clouds and I feel grateful to be outside. Often, will run an errand nearby, drop in at Sephora, shoot an Instagram story, maybe buy a snack but really, I just enjoy being outdoors, even if it is just in the city. It makes me appreciate life more and it makes the work day itself go by a little faster, a little smoother.

There is so much to be thankful for, to love and appreciate and most of the day all I hear is complaining. I need to be in a space with people who want to rejoice, to celebrate, to love and to speak about what they love and why. What’s good? What’s great? Despite everything! Lets talk about the deeper meaning behind what it means to love the life you live or to be working towards it.

Today

I just decided today after my 15 minute break that I’m using this weekend to really declutter our apartment. We’ve been there two years and still have not gotten rid of stuff we brought over from the old apartment! I’m already imagining how amazing it will be to move to our next, bigger even more wonderful space, taking only things we need because we’ve already gotten rid of everything we don’t! I mean this is doable! So I’m doing it! I’m so excited! Because I can feel it day by day when stuff is starting to pile up around me, when I buy things and then immediately forget I bought them, when I can’t remember where that thing I liked so much disappeared to or when I’m holding on to empty containers of things I know I should get rid of but I don’t.

Why do we do this?

It’s a symptom of something deeper and unresolved and the more I search and study ways to achieve peace and center, to manifest vision, the more I realize that life is actually a lot simpler than we make it, particularly if you know what you want. And the closer I get to knowing what I want the more I seek to make it as simple as possible.

Washing the Cat or There will be Blood

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Cat lovers gather around.

I’m only writing about this because I love my cat and this experience, unlike the one I vaguely recall about washing our family cat when I was a girl, was pretty freaking traumatic. I am so glad that my husband and I worked as a team on this because otherwise it would never have happened. And it needed to happen at least once.

I really hate doing things for my cat that stress him out or make him feel threatened. I only clean his paws whenever he used the litter box because of my husband. We never did that with my family cat. Cats are the cleanest animals ever. They spend like half the day cleaning themselves and sleeping. But I do it for my husband. I do it even when he’s not around. It’s our agreement.

So Thursday afternoon we’re in the bathroom filling a basin with water and using another plastic container to scoop water and generally prepping ourselves and the area while Jet stands on top of the toilet lid looking at us like, what is about to happen here? I Know you don’t think I’m getting in that right? Do you? Wait, what the hell?

And we’re all it’s okay, it’ll be all right. We got this special cat shampoo at Target formulated for sensitive cat skin by JP Mitchell himself!

Cat’s for the most part do not like being submerged in water. They’re curious about it, play with it a bit, drink it but they give no fucks about your external cleaning products and want no parts of it.

We barely lowered Jet into the basin of medium temperature water before he panicked, scrambled up the front of my husbands torso and was held there by him for the next harrowing 20 minutes or so.

There was blood.

I got a few nicks on my left hand but I barely paid attention to that. I accepted I would get scratched when we first adopted Jet. I don’t take it personally. However I was worried about my husband whom Jet was digging his claws into because of sheer horror. But my husband who loves the cat as much as I do was very very calm and instructed me to continue pouring water on our traumatized cat and to shampoo and rinse him. I looked in Jets eyes and it literally looked as if he wanted to leave his body. It was so painful for me to see that. I ran and got him some treats to eat to distract him and hopefully to give him something positive to focus on. I could see him struggling to make choices but he did eat all the treats. I kept asking my husband if he was okay, if his back was okay, because I could see the holes in his t-shirt. I was worried for both of them.

When it was over we still had to towel him off a bit because you’re not supposed to let newly washed pets walk around sopping wet. That was a little easier because we were able to let him down and he didn’t take off running or start shaking. There is nothing more pathetic and dejected looking than a wet cat.

After that he walked off to a corner by the closet and the apartment door and went to work Jetlicking himself all over. I actually sat next to him while he worked, you know just in case he needed support. LOL!!!

It was actually quite amazing. Cat tongues are the most efficient cleaning and grooming tools I have ever seen. In about half an hour he was dry, clean, soft and shiny and later on he was laid out on our bed, stomach exposed and fast asleep while my husband used the cat brush on him. Jet was loving it. Apparently he doesn’t hold grudges.

I still slept with one eye open that night though.

LOL!

Be a Beauty Alchemist

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The best way to become beautiful

is to recognize who you are.

So as I mentioned earlier, I’ve been testing out some face primers and just exchanged a concealer that turned out to be too light for me for one that is my perfect brown chocolate shade. More on that later.

I realize that if I’m going to be wearing more make-up more often that I will have to take even better care of my skin, meaning more water, more regular exercise (got in a few days at the gym while off from work) and deeper daily cleansing. As an Essence Box subscriber I received a pack of Dickinsons Witch Hazel towelettes in their July Box. I’ve been experiencing an unexpected cluster of breakouts on the lower right corner of my chin since I started using Raw African Soap. I read that this could be expected in the beginning as the soap draws out impurities but it’s still annoying. I tapped two drops of tea tree on one of the towelette and dabbed my face concentrating on affected areas. It felt so good, so fresh, clean and tightening.

I went to a local Duane-Reade to look for Dickinsons or something like it but they didn’t even have pure Witch Hazel. There’s always some product enhanced by or infused with something natural as opposed to just the pure product itself. And I’m starting to realize that as my girl soulsistah4real says, ACV, Coconut Oil and Shea Butter can be used for everything! LOL!

But seriously folks.

If you strip most skin care products down, the core ingredient was something we could have at one time, grown, picked, juiced, ground, mixed, bottled and applied ourselves, things that heal, feed, cleanse, sooth and condition your skin to act as a healthy, glowing canvas for whatever you chose to decorate it with.

Face PaintMake-up is ancient! And so is skin care. Not so many years ago, pure Witch Hazel was something you could buy at most any drugstore. And there may still be some but not as many. There’s not as much money to be made if the one shelf in the skin care section only has like six or seven products. Our freedom of choice is just a marketing tool after all. The truth is there really are only a few basic skin products you need.

The rest is just make-up.

Did I ever Mention that Make-Up is also My Life?

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28741397196_e8e026803e_oI’m in Sephora an average of 1-2 times or more a week. I know I mentioned in a previous entry that doing my nails at the counter in Sephora is literally like meditation to me. But I also have to admit that Sephora as a whole, particularly the lips, face and Nails section are my instant happy makers.

To me, make-up is just another form of art and I like make-up brands that encourage people to step outside of the usual self imposed boundaries of make-up use. Whenever I’m at Sephora, I wish that I had ten sets of eyes, and lips there because I always want to try everything and there is so much really amazing stuff out right now. Formulas for deep, rich pigments, soft finishes, wet looks, softer shimmer and more environmentally sound ingredients are on the rise. I’m like a kid in a very expensive candy store  whenever I’m there and I just decided to treat myself a little bit yesterday since I’m off from work this week and it was payday! YAY!

First I got some tools I needed at the Beauty Supply in my neighborhood, a manicure bowl and a lash curler because I’m about to master my false lash game.  That beauty supply store is the best. I also got a great pair of tweezers there for like $4 a month ago. I’ve never bought tweezers, false lashes, sponges or brushes at Sephora. I only shop Sephora for things I can only get at Sephora.

Today I was going for a new Nars shadow called Stud which is a fine high shimmery pewter color that I can never get enough of when I sample it. It makes me think of galaxies and moon dust. Also, since I’ve been abstaining from Facebook (I couldn’t stay away from IG and YT) this week I’ve started watching more Sephora make-up tutorials and oh my god, does it inspire me! I love that they have a good number of Black girls on there too, because I need to see how colors look on someone my shade before I can commit.

So I’ve been easing into this matte primer, concealer world. Because I kinda wanna be able to look professionally flawless whenever I want to and I can see that it takes a l lot more than just some foundation fix and Cover FX. A tutorial using Becca Ever Matte Poreless Primer impressed me so that was on my list as well. I knew when I went to the Milk counter I was going to get pulled into it’s tractor beam of Uniqueness and clean package design but I didn’t know I would find a concealer there I really liked that blended so easily and softly into my skin. I dotted it under my eyes the way I’ve seen it done. It worked!

I couldn’t let it go. I’d been dying to get something from Milk since I first used their eyeliner in Model/DJ, a blue so vibrant and rich that it exudes play and electricity.

I got samples of the Primer to experiment with.

I would have stayed in Sephora a lot longer if I didn’t have a cat at home to wash/torture. Anything sparkly catches my eye. Bright, bold color, shimmering things, wet shiny, gooey, sexy, playful things, things that have scent that have to be brushed on, rubbed in, feathered, blotted, sprayed, smeared, all hold a tactile, visually adventurous and transformative pleasure for me. Anything can happen! You can use colors available to you. You can create your own colors and textures! You can layers colors on one another and create a new textile on your nail! Sephora doesn’t know it but they’re my lab. I feel like a mad scientist when I go in and most of the time I come out feeling a little more magical.

You are now connected: Landmark

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“In order to have new views of life you have to have new conversations. Then you take new actions. And then you get a new result.”

-D. Cunninham

#landmark

 

Yup.

I did it.

I went to a Landmark forum meeting. Like many people I’ve heard of and known a few people who have done Landmark and have given it the shady side-eye for a series of reasons.

-You did Landmark and you’re still not happy. Why?

-It has to be a racket

-It sounds cultish and sketchy

-Ummm…don’t tell me what to do.

A friend of mine, a really lovely lady who I like a lot invited me and it just so happened that it was time. I’ve been seeking so I heard the call. I practice having an open heart and being aware and conscious of my cynicism and self imposed blockages. This was free. Why not? So what ended up happening was that I connected with people on an authentic and vulnerable level. That’s not a small thing. It never is.

The last time I was at a meeting like this was the Kamaria circle my dear friend at soulsistah4real invited me to be apart of. Again I was invited by friends who were graduates of the program because they know something about me and they see that I need some structure, development, discipline and breakthrough to get my whole life together. They love me. The Kamaria circle is Black woman centered and about developing leadership skills in women of the diaspora. I went to my friends graduation from the Kamaria circle last year and it was amazing to see the transformations and the seeds that had begun to flower from the work Black women were doing there. And I was still scared. I was afraid I was not up to the task of making a deeper commitment to myself. That sounds crazy just reading that. Scared to make a deeper commitment to myself. But I get it.

Last night at Landmark I was gently encouraged by a graduate who was sitting next to me (I got there right on time but to late to meet my friend who I spotted sitting further up in a different row) to go up to one of the mics set up next to stage where the speaker had invited guests to come and share with the audience. When the opportunity presented itself I raised my hand and was called up with one other guest. And I shared. I shared what I was working on about myself and challenges and realizations and gratitude for having been invited. And it felt good.

And afterwards several people came to me to thank me for what I said and all I could do was say thank you to them for being there and that I was so glad that received whatever they needed from what I said. I can’t tell you how good that felt, to be able to give something to people just by being my authentic self. So simple and yet so powerful.

My heart is still spinning. It was like a natural high…

Social Media Cleanse

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It’s been an emotionally exhausting Summer so far.

I’m having trouble staying awake at my desk and that’s a bad sign. My mom has been visiting with us for the month of July which means I’m up late a lot hanging with her which had been great but then I’m up very early because the cat has been sleeping in the bedroom with my husband and I and he gets up at 5am on the dot like clockwork.

Meow………………….meow…………………………..MEOOOOWWWW!!!

We’ve all gotten really close.

*yawn*

I will be off on my second vacation of the Summer next week and I’m really thinking seriously about staying off the internet or any social media for that entire week. Because quite honestly, outside of my daily morning ritual, the only thing I do consistently without fail each day is log on to the various popular social media platforms. And sometimes I don’t even know why. And that worries me. I’ve become very preoccupied with certain prolific youtube vloggers, I’m constantly on Snapchat, facebook and instagram and I noticed last night that when mom had to call my great Aunt who lives in London on my cellphone, (We don’t have a landline) I literally felt lost without it.

I didn’t know what to do with my hands!!!! My thumbs were having an anxiety attack.

So next week, while I’m on vacation I’m shutting all my social media interaction down. It’s not going to be easy but I have to. I’m not saying all social media is bad but many people I know have hit a wall with it and now that time has come for me.

I used to play board games, develop film, write stories with a pen and paper, listen to music like just listen to music and nothing else. I used to read books! I can’t remember the last book I read! Oh man that Snapchat is addictive. LOL!! I have a feeling that a lot of it has to do with remaining in a place, at a job that I’ve outgrown and not knowing what my next steps should be. And then instead of trying to figure that out, I log on to hulu and watch “Clear and Present Danger.” That movie is sooooo good!

But I digress.

I want to produce more than I consume or at least as much as I consume. I wonder if that’s even possible. I’ll be exploring that during my Social Media fast.

Grateful Weekend

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It’s been a challenging but rewarding long holiday weekend. It’s been busier and more challenging than I would have wanted but I’m starting to learn that there’s a plan for everything and it’s not always the one we might wish but it’s always towards our greater good. I am grateful and thankful for having had this time to figure out that despite what often feels like chaos and disorder there are a few things I know definitively.

  1. One of the things I love most about nature is that there are no ads there! I dragged my husband put to walk in one of the several large parks in our neighborhood we have not yet explored and as we were entering it I head some distant car or radio somewhere playing the Woodside Honda jingle. And it occurred to me in that moment that we were about to leave that behind for a bit when we headed into the park, that the moments I spend in nature devoid of being mentally invaded by jingles and poster boards, commercials or brand names are what allow my mind to find rest, contentment and recharge. Nature doesn’t try to sell you anything. If anything it allows you to reconnect to yourself and the present moment and it that to see and feel a wild, uncontaminated beauty. I need it like water.

 

  1. My husband is my partner in the truest sense. I know he doesn’t like being in nature as much as I do or for the same reasons but when he’s there with me he fully commits as much as he can and in a spiritual sense, he’s the one who tethers me when I’m flying to high or become lost in curiosity and amazement or even fear. To have a life partner who can truly support you, someone you can laugh with, let go with, build with is truly a blessing. When I lay with him at night, when I’m in his arms, when we touch I know with everything in me that he’s my one, the one I fit with, the one I can trust, I can fall into. We respect one another’s space and boundaries and are always working towards discovering ways we can fulfill each other’s needs in a balanced and authentic way.

 

3. Cleaning is a spiritual thing. Lately, when I am at my most frustrated or at a loss or helpless feeling, I clean. I never thought I would ever be a woman who cleaned for catharsis but I guess I’m becoming one. Whenever I do it, I feel like it’s symbolic. I feel like creating order and cleanliness in my living space is creating something similar within me or sending a message in the universe about what I want and need, that I am opening up a way to allow new things in. My reason for cleaning on Monday was more specific. My mom is coming to visit and stay with my husband and me for a bit and I’m very excited to have her here and to spend quality time with her. Coincidentally, the new moon was this weekend so cleaning and disposing of trash in preparation for my mom’s arrival is all happening in divine order as she would say. I’ve just been listened to music all day, my husband and I teamed up to clean and sweep and store groceries while taking small breaks in between. The small things are beautiful things. Monday felt exactly right.

 

  1. Disciplinary practice is the only way to manifest anything you want. I have been getting up in the morning and doing my yoga and stretches for months now and today for the first time, my lower back doesn’t feel tight or achy. It was so much easier for me to clean and help my husband carry groceries and generally not feel like I’m falling apart because my back is better today. Physical and mental health are the first level of wealth and we all deserve that. Staying on top of my physical health has been one of the best gifts I’ve given to myself and it won’t be the last. Making time each day to tend to my body, gets me out of my head and into my heart and spirit. It makes all the difference I need to be able to see that I am capable of more than I am able to presently comprehend.