Tag Archives: Black women

Shit Serena Doesn’t Say

I was scrolling through IG a few days ago when I saw this quote by Serena for the press conference after she lost to Halep in the Wimbledon Finals posted by USTA.

Serena Quote

I had watched that entire match and the press conference afterward with my mom and I saw right away how they left out the only words in that quote that I had hung on to. The complete quote is as follows.

Serena Actual quote

I knew even then that when Serena said made this statement that it was still vague enough for the media to manipulate and project it’s agenda onto. But wow, they just went ahead and took the whole damn thing out. When Serena said “People that look like you and me…” I feel like she was doing that old double consciousness balancing act that still haunts many of us as Black people to this day. Serena’s indications about people who look like her and the reporter (I’m assuming she wasn’t white?) were specific and yet leaving enough wiggle room for the customization of truth that is written by Whiteness. In fact, every conference I’ve watched Serena give during this Wimbledon tournament has made me wonder what anger, frustration and irritation lay unsaid inside of her as she appears to maintain a lo-key, laid back, non-reactive and non-threatening facade, the anti-thesis of her behavior during the now infamous Osaka match.

My husband made the interesting point that the media’s uproarious and favorable acceptance of Coco Gauff has taken a lot of pressure off of Serena this year. If not for Coco she might have had to withstand harsher focus from the media. It’s ironic really how Serena and Venus have clearly opened the doors for young Black female tennis players like Sloane and Gauff, who seem to be getting the kind of measured and unbiased treatment from the press and media which the Williams sisters were never afforded because of blatant racism. Its wonderful, strange and a bit concerning to me (double consciousness again) to watch Coco respond to the press by just being the young girl she is. When I think of that terrible “interview” Venus had to endure with that White a-hole who probably called himself a journalist when she was just 14 years old, I cringe. I know this is an experience like many others the Williams sisters endured which informed the women they are now, experiences they have had to surpass and transcend so that others who look like them might not have to. And although the Williams are revered as top tennis champions and hold a place in history as Black women who have persevered oppression and racism in the sport, the thing is, it’s not over. It’s not over and they know it in ways Sloane and Gauff may never know. That’s how it works after all.

Obama Translator

I studied Serena’s face when they dared to ask her how she felt her stamina compared with Roger Federer’s considering their advanced ages and I longed for the equivalent of the Key and Peele Obama translator sketch  ; a Black woman with nothing to lose could stand beside her and translate what Serena said unapologetically in explicit language that Black folk would understand and make racist White people uncomfortable with their implicit role in her frustration.

Muthafucka, Federer ain’t had to push out an entire fucking human being out his body and then almost die afterward! Who the fuck do you think she is? She slayed the Australian Open while she was pregnant bitches! Why not ask Federer if he thinks he could have pulled that shit off?

That’s what my imaginary Williams translator would have said if she was there with Serena that day. She would have also said the words Black women, not “people who look like you and I.” But fuck if I don’t understand why she didn’t say Black women. She would have to deal with all kinds of stories calling her angry and asking why everything has to be about race…

It’s fucking exhausting y’all.

Ya’ll Whiteness is fucking exhausting.




The Only Reason I Can Never a Watch White Person’s Make-up Tutorial

This will be short.






The only reason I started watching youtube beauty tutorials, reviews, GRWM (Get ready with me if you didn’t know) or style vlogs was to see Black women doing it. I mean, initially, I started watching to find my shade twins and see how certain colors, foundations, lipsticks I like, might look on me. But I ended up watching and following Black women across the Diaspora with a broad range of skin colors because we are so gotdamn beautiful and the range of our skin tones is NO LIMIT!!!!!

And I LOOOOOOOOVE watching Black women put on make-up. I just do. I love all the different ways, the reasons, the looks, the attitudes, the approaches.

I clicked on a White chick’s video once but




Nothing for me to learn there that I haven’t been working on the daily to unlearn. And I mean personally, it’s just not attractive to me. That’s not what I’m checking for. I’m checking for me. And it’s not to say that White supremacy is not still alive in complex and dangerous ways on the Black channels but at least there I feel like I care about what’s happening. I’m invested, because I am represented.

And I can work from there.



Hearting Cardi B…again

If you a pusssy you get popped,

you a groupie you a op,

Bet you come around my way,

you can’t hang around my block.

And I just checked my accounts,

Turns out I’m rich, I’m rich, I’m rich.

I put my hand upon my hip,

I bet you dip, he dip, she dip…

So I woke up Monday morning and spirit told me I needed some music. I woke up my iphone and looked st 4:44 but then I was like, lemme listen to a woman’s voice for a change. I’ve switched to Tidal since 4:44 dropped and I’m still rebuilding my playlists there. I pulled up Solange and played “A Seat at the Table while putting on my make up and dressing for work. But when I hit the street, I played “Bodack Yellow.” And when I got on the train I played “Bodack Yellow.” And when I got off the train I played “Bodack Yellow.” And on my way to buy breakfast, I played “Bodack Yellow.”

You get the point…

Turns out my girl Khalilah, who has loved Cardi for much longer, was on that Bodack Yellow wave length that morning as well.

It was instinctual. I think it may have been the culmination of residual collective feminine energy that I got from the our weekend Soul Sistah Series “Spirit of Intimacy” event. In this case, Cardi B on “Bodack Yellow” just delivers on a gut level, a power level. It just hits on all the right places. And I know many will say it’s ghetto, ratchet, ignorant, maybe even exploitative. But I can’t help what I feel. With music, I listen with my heart or I try to. And I can’t deny it. The more I listen to Cardi B, the more I really like her, the more I really hear an authentic, fighting but sweet person inside. Even in her decisions to alter her appearance, I get authentic, no bullshit reasoning. Plus, I never knew a woman could have a deep and cute voice at the same time. LOL!! She’s so hood and tough and adorable.

Who does that?

But I’m not intimidated by her toughness. I respect her gangsta. I’m inspired by her. And as I said before, I never in a million years expected to even like her.

I’m discovering that Cardi B has more than just a couple of marbles rolling around in her head. She reminds me of girls I went to high school with that I looked down on and reduced to a stereotype because my colonized mind couldn’t imagine that their values were worth considering. She also reminds me of girls who made me laugh about silly shit in high school and whom I harmonized with in class on some fluffy pop song in a moment of candid downtime.

Ultimately, Cardi is a real woman, who pushes and punches through all the haterade to defy the forces who tell her who she should and shouldn’t be and what she does and doesn’t deserve in life. Many years ago, I was easily one of those people.

Today, I need Cardi B in my life. I need Bodack Yellows and Pop Offs to get my energy up sometimes and feel unstoppable. You see male rappers do that as well, but a woman like Cardi B. puts the Pussy glitter as gold in the mix. And then all I can do is feel dope as hell.


Thank goodness for evolution.


The F Word

So my girl Khalilah shared this great article with me yesterday, written in 2008 by Alice Walker’s daughter, Rebecca Walker all about how their relationship was torn apart by Alice Walkers “fanatical feminist views.” Rebecca came to her happiness as a proud mother and wife with no help from her mother, a feminist icon, who felt that having children was a form of slavery. In fact, at least according to Rebecca, Alice Walker, a woman whose writing I loved so much in my youth, played the position of detractor, and competitor to her daughter most of her life and very rarely, if ever, as a supportive and nurturing force. I won’t say too much more about the actual article here since Khalilah and I will definitely be discussing it on a future episode of Soultv.

But I will say this.

I have seen and heard the word Feminism defined, interpreted, remixed, reconfigured and re-framed many times and for varying reasons, but the one theme that seems to remain, is the one in which Feminism is understood to represent the strength, capability and independence of a woman without a man and the diminished tone reserved for women who choose to dedicate as much if not all of their lives to motherhood, family and home as they do to their business or career.

The new Miss USA sparked a ripple of controversy recently, when she was asked about feminism and responded that “As a woman scientist in the government, I’d like to lately transpose the word feminism to equalism.”

…………………….BLANK STARE

I mean…gurl….


And as  expected, feminist twitter went ape shit, just like they did when Chimimanda Adichie suggested that cis women (God, I hate that term) have a different experience in their bodies and in the world than trans women do because we-were-born-women? All of a sudden, Adichie was painted as an enemy of a community which she is actually an advocate for.

All this to say, as much as I would love to believe in and support a future feminism which includes, supports and addresses the needs of Black and Brown women and mothers who proudly love Black and Brown men and want to find spaces which encourage and facilitate the enrichment, re-education and unification of the Black family and community…

It ain’t happened yet.

But if it does  and already has, let me know because I’m down. However, I would strongly suggest a change of name for said future movement because the term Feminism, no matter how much we hyphenate and pre-fix it to suit the present day needs of certain ideas about today’s woman, still continues to carry the oppressive and divisive mission associated with it’s early origins, a mission that was created primarily to suit the needs of white women whose needs at the time when the movement evolved were respectfully relevant and though, they may intersect with the needs of Black and Brown and women, will never be equal to them. And that’s just a long way of saying that our needs are vastly different from those of White women and they always will be.

Acknowledging difference seems to really offend certain people unless they’re using difference to discriminate, monopolize, categorize, stereotype and disenfranchise. I see difference as a guide that tells you how to best serve a population whose right it is to thrive and grow like anyone else on the planet.

Until later

I remain

as ever

forever yours,


Goodbye Black Beauty Box

I saw the update in their IG feed yesterday. In my mind the thought “We can’t have nothin” popped up. I had paid up for the next six months. September will now be the last and all six month subscribers will be refunded the remainder of their payment.

siiiiiggh…..I can’t help wondering what really happened.


Stitch fix (which sucks in my opinion. I cancelled my shipments a month ago)

Gwynnie Bee

Still rolling along. But the one and only beauty box subscription I know of that catered to Black women and Black businesses is now discontinued, over and done.

“The landscape for monthly subscription boxes has changed…” was the only response repeatedly given by way of explanation to various sad and annoyed inquiries like mine.

What does that mean?

I’m not going to act like the Essence Beauty Box was always on point but for me it became one the best things about a magazine which, in my opinion has been struggling to keep up with the times both aesthetically and content wise. My monthly beauty box exposed me to some products which have now become staples in my life and beauty regimen, and I so looked forward to my little monthly treat of five or six hot beauty products formulated with my skin, hair, face and body in mind. It made me feel special. I squealed with joy every time my box came to my office in the mail. It just didn’t last long enough.

So I hope this last September box is amazing. I won’t spend too much time missing it. Instead I’ll start looking into how to create a subscription box that someone like me would love. Because I guess this is the part where you have to create what you feel is missing in the market right?





Lemonade: The Visual Black Wombspace, Pt1

There will be so many different think pieces and stories, documentaries, study groups, conferences and courses spawned by the massive impact of Beyonce’s Lemonade and I have so enjoyed mining the internet and magazines and casual work conversations to observe the reactions and make note of themes that arise to compare and contrast them with my own as I process it all. I cannot even begin to really describe how phenomenal, how loving, how healing, how deeply moving and ground breaking the work is to me, or what a personal call to healing it is for Black women.

Continue reading Lemonade: The Visual Black Wombspace, Pt1

I used to have model boobs. Now I have porn boobs

I was scrolling through my IG feed recently when I found some swimwear I found attractive because it was constructed similarly to the last swimsuit I purchased over a year ago at American Apparel. Ever since I stopped being a size 3-4 in my late 20s I have needed a one piece that carefully reveals my mid-drift without also revealing lumps and bumps and a tummy which I have not always been loving successfully. This bathing suit from AA does that very well and it’s also backless which is non-negotiable in a bathing suit for me. I want to expose as much skin as possible to the sun without being naked. I would prefer to be naked but…you know…because America…

Continue reading I used to have model boobs. Now I have porn boobs

Black is the New Ooh Lala!!


This week, SoulSistah4real put me on to Mala Bryan, a International Model from St. Lucia. who is putting out a line of Black fashion dolls with a range of skin tones and hair textures due out in November! As a doll collector myself, I nearly fainted when I read about her and saw her line of beautiful dolls! I love them and I love that there is also a crazy doll lady in South Africa who takes photos of her dolls in public! LOL! These are definitely going on my Holiday list for lucky little brown girls and for one big brown girl in particular.

Bonjour JulyWindow Chat

And just now as I was scrolling through the 30 Black Woman Owned Online stores to Shop this Holiday Season, I discovered Nicholle Kobi, a cool black illustrator from Kinshasa, based in France whose prints show a France filled with colorful Black woman of all sizes who like to live life to the fullest, work, play, make love, have families, eat and shop with friends and have stimulating gatherings and conversations  on window sills at midnight. It’s all so darn cool and effortless looking!


It’s so much fun is to be able to look at a thematic range of images depicting woman of color and seeing so many different varieties doing so many things, so many different moods and occasions! Her pinterest page goes on forever!  I would love to see these prints on shopping bags, magazines,  stationary, holiday and greeting carda, invitations and more! Hmmmm…I may need to commission Miss Kobi.

Time Stopping Thursdays: My Favorite video of the month

35 Bday

I viewed this amazing video posted on Facebook by Angela Laketa Tanksley for the first time several weeks ago but so far, no matter how many times I view it, it always gives me life. I mean it’s not just that she was bold and brave enough to take on creating a remake of one the best Beyonce videos ever, “Grown Woman” but also that she did it to commemorate her 35th birthday. And even more than that, she didn’t try to be Beyonce. She emulated some of the best things about the energy of Beyonce and Destiny’s child videos, like friendship, Black women together, beauty, motherhood, marriage, strength, sexiness, fun and laughter and she used the resources that applied to her life, like the baby carriages (oh God I loved the women dancing next to their baby carriages!!!!!!! I loved it!!) and her husband opening his door to see his wife and her friends raising a ruckus in the hallway inspired by Beyonce’s “7/11” video. The look on his face and the shake of his head was pure husbandness. LOLOL!!! He was like, I don’t want any part of this. Back to my X-Box. Omigod, I just loved it. It made me feel like I could actually make a video like this one day!

Duoble Baby
“Betcha I run this!”

Angela did do some literal depictions of her favorite parts of Beyonce’s “Grown Woman” in ways that I loved. She had her husband on the couch and was rubbing his knee, showing her pride in marriage and then had her kids on her bed all around her while she laughed and smiled as her son kissed her and then there’s a bit where her and friends are dressed in sexy black outfits doing the dance routine that Beyonce does with two back up dancers near the end of “Grown Woman.” Angela shot her choreographed piece in a neighborhood that looked like a suburb somewhere outside in natural light. They killed it.

It was like fun sleep over/dance party at a hair salon mixed with grown sexiness defined by some of the best things about being a grown Black woman, and just showing how versatile, how dynamic, how sexy, how fun, how beautiful it is. I think I’m gonna go watch it again right now!

“Manicures & Mimosas” The Reality of Sisterhood

Manis & mimosas Blog

After “Manicure & Mimosas,” The Soul Sistah Series very first event this past Sunday, I had a woman come up to me and say with a beaming smile, “I’ve never seen so many women with natural hair.” Another woman told me it was exactly the kind of day she needed after the kind of week she’d had. Another women told me how refreshing it was to be able to express her views about life in a place where she didn’t feel like she was crazy for saying so.There were so many women who expressed how happy there that they came and after a while one thing became clear to me in addition to everything else.

Other women of the Diaspora want this space to exist as well as Soulsistah4real and I do.They really do! And you know what? That makes me feel less crazy for thinking this could be possible. It also gives me great *pleasure to say that our next Soul Sistah Series event in May will be twice as amazing, filled with as much pampering and enlightening challenging discourse as “Manicures and Mimosas” was.

*what brings you pleasure?