All posts by Urban Eve

Unknown's avatar

About Urban Eve

I'm a Black woman in a white washed world which is shifting gradually and beautifully into consciousness. I have an overdeveloped sense of play, a love of nature, art, photography fashion, literature, irreverence, irony. I am a late bloomer, a girly woman, a sado-sensualist, a pleasure cooker, a shedonist, a huge film fanatic, lover of DIY craft and the endless gifts of nature. I love that I was born a Black Woman because there is no limit to the potential I will unfold and manifest through my re-connection to my rich, broad, magical, spiritual history and ancestry, through research, community, nature, prayer, imagination and creativity. I like being still, moving swiftly and creating instinctively.

June Full Magic Bath

Uncategorized

blk woman Mlk bath

“Water shows the hidden heart”

-Enya

So Tuesday night I treated myself to the June Full Moon Magic Bath as instructed by Letgoletgoddess. I’m all about a soak in the tub and have been since I was little girl but I have never added milk to my usual recipe of dead sea salts, the occasional Lush bath bomb and bubbles. I’ve long been titillated and enchanted by images of submerged limbs, visibly cut off at the surface of milk baths but never tried it myself. This one called for goat, coconut or cows milk. If you didn’t already know, I’m in love with the coco, so I picked some up in my neighborhood after work and added that to a hot bath of dead sea salts and piece of a Lush cocoa bath bomb with gold glitter that just happened to create a pleasing Oshun colored gold when released in the water. I was super excited to get in and invoke some magic full moon manifestation.

Being submerged in water has always had an immediate sedative effect on me. And this time the added effect of the milk produced another amazing feature.

I have always been fascinated the shapes that naturally transforming elements make, in clouds, in water in soap bubbles, basically in anything that is constantly undulating moving and turning into something else. I’m not sure this would have happened if I used the half a gallon of milk that the instructions called for but I used what I had which was less than that, and I like what happened.

Last winter I was vacationing at house of good friend on Woodstock with my husband and we were hanging out on the deck in the back. I saw what looked to me  like the shape of a woman in the clouds. She was definitely a mystical woman, a woman who knew her power. Often I wonder if the things we sometimes see in transforming natural shapes are not also within us. Sometimes other people see them too. Sometimes you have to show them. Sometimes they never see it.

Well I saw a lot of interesting patterns the milk made in the bath and they were all beautiful. Your bath water can become such a sacred thing and all that you experience in that space is a reflection of your state of mind, your hopes, fears, dreams and wishes. Plus it’s always made me feel so sexy and sensual and feminine to soak in a bath. It may be one of the first things I ever did as a young woman that made me aware of my body in a very positive affirming way.

I fantasize occasionally about one day soaking in an a deep marble tub with feet like the kind they used to have in the old days or one of those deep copper ones. Oh, I think I could stay in one of those all day!

So I will definitely be adding milk to my future baths, both for ritual and relaxation. The idea of magic manifestation through a sacred bath feels very primordial and instinctive. If you’ve never done it before and you love water as much as I do then bust out a candle, scrub your tub, gather some sweet scents and tastes, start a gratitude list.

It will make you feel good.

I’m adding rose petals next time!!! Oooo!!! Oshun, take me awaaaay…

Treat Yo’ Self “Soul Sistah Series” Style! (Plus a little naked house talk)

Uncategorized, ,

black-woman-spa-425

“Your Yoni & You” was my third time in life at a Korean Day Spa. My first time was at Spa Castle in Queens which I’d known about for years and went to for the first time with Soulsistah4real. I remember a co-worker told me about the place years ago and I just didn’t believe it. I didn’t believe anything she was telling me about some amazing place where adults would go prance around naked, luxuriate in pools, saunas, nap rooms with heated floors, get massages and eat in the food court.

What? Okay, yeah I was like that sounds like a magical wonderland and I just don’t understand.

It exists.

And this past Sunday I was able to experience this again at a Mid-Manhattan spa with a  group of Soul Sistahs for our second in a series of bi-monthly events. If, as a woman of color, you have never experienced the liberated and resplendent feeling of rising naked out of a warm pool after sitting in a steam or dry sauna for twenty minutes, you must. Like I’ve mentioned before, I’ve always been fairly comfortable with being naked but that’s because it was never frowned upon in my household to be naked when I was a girl. It doesn’t mean I’m not shy or self conscious. I just don’t feel shy to be naked in spaces where it’s acceptable.

It’s funny, I never even think about or recall anything specific about the bodies of other women at a Korean Day Spa. I’m too preoccupied with feeling how everything feels on my own skin. If anything, I remember conversations I have with women as we indulge in relaxation, and I remember energy. Plus everyone has a towel and robe to put on and or take off before you enter any of the various pools and saunas or massage rooms so you can cover yourself however and whenever based on your comfort level.

I know one thing. Before this year is over I am getting at least one massage from this place because Soulsistah4real literally got her life after the one hour massage during our event. Sadly, I have only had one professional full body massage in my entire life, also as a result of a girls day out (for the first Sex & The City Movie) planned by Soulsistah4real. She really has been about pursuing pleasure for a while now! I’ve had some great massages from men in my life and my husband and I frequently one another massages, but I know I need to start creating the kind of life where I can get a professional massage at least two to three times a month as well as get in some relaxing Korean Day Spa time. Oh, it’s so nice to treat yourself the Soul Sistah Series way!

I said the word vagina to an audience last night

Uncategorized, ,

imgres

Well it was a poetry audience at Lenox Coffee in Harlem but I was not reading poetry. I was promoting Soul Sistah Series’ latest event “Your Yoni  You” which is happening this Sunday, May 31st at 9:30am. It is an event that centers around women of the Diaspora reconnecting to our sacred feminine through our sensuality. Because the major feature of this event is the ancient practice of vaginal steaming, I just figured I’d cut straight to the chase and mention the word vagina to a coffeehouse full of people by way of explanation.

Then I read a poem. LOL!!

I wasn’t nervous or anxious or self conscious about it, which is weird for me but recently in situations where I would normally feel anxiety and tightness and don’t, I just kinda roll with that. I don’t want to function with heart palpitations and knots in my stomach every time I come up against something that makes me nervous. But the not wanting to doesn’t always result in not feeling it.

But I wasn’t feeling it last night, not about anything I made announcements about. Maybe its the turning 40 thing. I turned 40 on Memorial Day and mentioned that to the audience last night as well.

Maybe it’s some Mercury Retrograde glitch where normally fluid communication comes to a halt but you have no problem saying vagina to an attentive and unsuspecting crowd? LOL!

I don’t know. It’s probably best not to question it and chalk it up to what I’ve been putting out in the universe with regard to challenging my fears and self consciousness. That’s all I can make of it at this point.

Oh the sun feels so good on my neck right now. I’m sitting in Bryant Park eating chips and guacamole, feeling the breeze and looking forward to the exciting weekend ahead. 

Happy Friday!

Smart Television Also Knows Sex is Important

health, sex, television, ,
lapalabra_068
‘Thanks for the numbers Josh but are you getting it in at all man?”

You’re going to get sick of my “West Wing’ revelations, but watching some of the very last episodes of the last season when hot ass Matt Santos (Jimmy Smits) takes office, it becomes obvious suddenly that some of our favorite characters are not having nearly enough sex. And more than that, that they should be.

Just before they call the vote count that makes Santos as the winner, he gets so stressed out that his wife tells him he should sleep. Of course he says he can’t. She takes him up their bedroom and makes sure he rests. We never see sex on West Wing really but we know when it happens because it hardly ever does. “The West Wing” is about people so maniacally dedicated to serving in the White House that they barley notice they have no life at all outside of it. It’s one of the major issues I’ve always had with the show. I need fun and sexuality in life as well as in art. But this is just a testament to how good I think “The West Wing” is. I have never watched entire seasons of any other show repeatedly that had so little demonstration of physical and emotional affection….ever.

In the last season Josh Lyman, Santos’ campaign manager and new Chief of Staff becomes so tightly wound up and stressed out that Santos asks his aid, Donna if she knows whether or not Josh is getting any at all. It’s pretty obvious that Santos has a good work, life, sex balance and you just know it will continue even after he becomes the leader of the free world. Even President Bartlett whom he will succeed has more sex than anyone else on the show.

Josh is all work all the time and though he dates and has relationships on an off, nothing ever lasts. His life is not about lasting relationships. And he is the character I love most until the last season when he stubbornly refuses to power down, take a break, let Donna love him, and let himself love. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand most people who don’t know how to be happy. It’s not a judgement but a fact. It’s hard for me to relate but I know there are many of us who find it difficult to be happy or to think of happiness as something that can last or that there are people for whom happiness is a soul purpose. I’m not going to pretend I’m an eternal optimist. But I could never live for work. I could never live without the promise of love and happiness. And I think sex is an incredibly important part of our health, emotionally, spiritually and otherwise. I think it’s wonderful when people are passionate about their work, when they love what they do for a living. I have never had the experience except for when I create so perhaps if I did I might have a different opinion. But here’s what i do know.

A kiss can save a life.

And good sex can save many lives.

Stay tuned for my next entry about being raised in a naked house like Rainbow Johnson played by Tracee Elis Ross on”Black-ish” Thank you Rainbow for validating my childhood experience. LOL!

Head Wrap Friday

culture, women of color, work, , ,

DSC_0280

Is this what Chimimanda Adichie feels like all the time? Because she exudes confidence, grown woman sexiness and just grace whenever I see her. Only a few days after my Friday head wrap debut and I already know this look is going to be a permanent part of my Summer wardrobe.

First of all!

It feels very sexy in a way I had never guessed before. There is something really feminine and pretty about seeing a woman’s face framed only by a creative and classic up sweep of boldly colored fabric. I might need to incorporate this in other ways at home.

Wink wink*

I have to say, leaving my apartment in a head wrap felt very regular. I almost totally forgot about it until I saw myself in occasional urban reflective surface. And I was happy about that. I wanted it to feel fabu-normal. Yes, I just made that word up. Other than a few sweet compliments, my interactions with co-workers were normal and without incident.

Except for one.

K. is a woman of color who rarely speaks to me, mostly because I rarely have occasion to see her. She works on a different floor and pretty much keeps to herself. But last Friday she came up for some coffee we had out at reception and when she saw my head wrap her face lit up. “I really like it!” she said to me. Without being able to go into too much detail about what I know of her feelings about working where we work as a woman of color, I know that for her, the head wrap was a symbol of resistance and perhaps even liberation and I was so happy that she communicated her genuine admiration and respect to me. That maybe meant more to me than anything because it inspires me want to continue.

We are all famndjamn (strong woman in Hatian Creole) women and one of my deep desires has always been to demonstrate the strength it takes to dress on the outside in a way that reflects how one feels on the inside without shame or self consciousness, to reflect my culture, my pride and the unique twist that makes me who I am, like no one else can. Imagine how amazing we would all feel, if we could do this even just once a week!

I know it’s not something that can happen in all places of work and that dress codes often restrict our ability to wear our cultural or distinctive accoutrement on a regular basis but I would push women, particularly women of color to question exactly what we can get away with wearing in the work place and why or why not in regard to perceptions of respectability, uniformity and cultural stereotypes.

What kind of styles, hairstyles, jewelry, clothing have you wanted to wear at work that made you hesitate because you felt it might be seen as insubordinate, or keep you from getting a promotion or just make people perceive you in a way that caused them to treat you disparagingly?

Amaze Vagina

Uncategorized

Doesn’t have the same ring as Amaze Balls does it? I wonder why.

Over the weekend, Soulsistah4real and I had this really fun and inquisitive conversation about things like why the word Vagina is so unpalatable, how we as a society are so much more comfortable talking about penises and things of a phallic nature without always clutching our pearls in shame and horror. Clutching your pearls is such a gendered performance of female shame and shock. Is there a male equivalent to that? I don’t think so. I know for a fact that when any talk of vaginas come up anywhere, men are the ones who lean in while women for the most part tend to look the other way, lower our voices, whisper or avoid the subject altogether.

Continue reading Amaze Vagina →

My First Headwrap

Uncategorized, , , ,

Ill thrill

So I don’t know if you remember how last year I was raving about this head wrap company that I found at fanmdjanm.com. I was especially jazzed to see that they had these cool, funky video tutorials on different ways to wrap the fabric on their site. That had me really excited. It made me feel like this was something I might actually be able to do. My bff, Vanessa and I used to wear African fabrics on our heads in High School but I never really learned how to do anything fancy and I never really wrapped my whole head.

The one other time I can remember rocking a head wrap was in my mid- 20s. One day when I just got it into my head that it would be cool to wrap my head in a white fabric that I had to go this poetry reading my white ex-boyfriend invited me to. I had my hair out natural then after having cut my second set of locs and I thought I looked really cute. Well we were sitting at a bar that night and he looked at me smiling a smile that I had come to know as a snarky kind of “what’s this?” smile and then he called me a Nubian Princess but not in the way that brothas in Harlem on 125th Street do. I think he meant it kind of as a joke because he couldn’t take it seriously. He wasn’t familiar with this part of me. I was annoyed and offended and generally put out for the rest of the evening and never wore a head wrap in public again.

erykah
Badu brought the head wrap forward in a way I had never seen before and blew my mind

Well I finally ordered my head wrap fabric from Fanm Djanm (which means strong woman in Haitian Creole)  last week and I can’t wait to see it. That’s it just above. It’s called “Ill Thrill” and I like it because it feels like the pattern than can transition easily from a formal or work (because I do intend to rock it at work) as well as a recreational setting and can be paired with a range of different outfits. I just love the shade of orange which has been a color that started rocking my visual world last year.

Orange started speaking to me loudly saying, “HEY!!!! Come and play with me! Everything is cool! I’m bold and can’t be ignored but I’m also very friendly and happy and I want you to come take a closer look. I want to sooth you and excite you at the same time.” It’s hard for me to look at orange and feel anything but a kind of blind joy for no reason. It also emanates a glowing, loving warmth. Few colors do all of those things to me at once. It was one Fall Season a few years ago while I was taking pictures outdoors that the color orange started to emerge for me with a deep significance I had never noticed before. I couldn’t believe I had been alive for so long without ever appreciating the golds, yellows and bronzes of sunsets and Fall foliage. Now, I can’t pass these colors in nature without being driven to distraction.

Color is wonderful and traditionally, many African fabrics have been full of color and ornate patterns but I haven’t always felt comfortable appropriating the looks I see worn by African hair braiders up and down Harlem standing at street corners in beautiful dresses that they wear all the time. But that’s just Western thinking getting in the way of what I feel drawn to and what I’m entitled to connect with by way of my ancestral roots.

If Erykah Badu can do it, so can I right?

So YAAAAY head wraps!

it’s about to be on…on my head!

: D

Women Call to Prayer

Uncategorized

candle

I accepted and invitation from Soulsistah4real to the Facebook event, “Women Call to Prayer” on May 1st, the day it began. The call to prayer is a dedication to “prayer for the praise and demand of justice, respect and unity within the Black Community” for 30 minutes a day every evening until May 6th.

I was unable to do it on the first day because I was out that same evening but for the last three days, I’ve set my alarm to remind me to pray for half an hour straight and also set a timer for those 30 minutes.

It’s only been three days but it’s been intense.

I praise the memory of those of us who have been slain by the relentless fear and brutality of the police force and other agents of racism all over this country now and in the past. I pray for the mothers, friends and families of those men.

For me it’s been a lot like meditation at times because I don’t have a specific prayer prepared as yet so often I’m just focusing on sending out as much love, light and positive energy as I can as I sit still.

Here’s one thing I’ve started to notice.

This is something I should probably be doing every day no matter what. Over this wonderful and relaxing weekend I have have experienced stillness in simple and profound ways that have made me realize how necessary it is to access this kind of centerdness on a daily basis. The Women Call to Prayer has been more than just a a way to be unified with other women all over the world as we pray for justice, but also a way for us to connect to ourselves and our powers of manifestation for 30 minutes a day.

It’s funny, i’ve attempted several time in the past to dedicate sacred time to stillness, prayer and meditation  and it’s never stuck. But for some reason, being invited to do it for others has made it something that I feel is my my undoubted responsibility. Prayer is something people have done for decades as a part of organized religion and spiritual belief. Any one of us can do it and participate collectively anywhere in the world! It makes me think of the daily Muslim prayers and how when I lived in Harlem i would see vendors of the Muslim faith on 125th Street kneeling and praying on their mats  five times a day no matter no what was happening around them. My mother who believes very much in the power of prayer, would gather my brother and I together every night to pray in front of a lit candle. We made up our own prayer which I still remember to this day. Prayer and candles and the dressing of candles and the lighting of candles, the significance of their colors have always been a part of my life because of my mother.

No matter what may be happening around us and especially inside us, the dedication to any period of time where we can be still, meditate,  pray and reconnect to the place in ourselves that remains steady and secure in any situation each day and at the very least every week, feels more and more urgent to me lately. I am so grateful to have had the sense of that importance reach me through a form of prayer that is dedicated to justice, respect and unity in the Black community which of course is also about justice, respect and unity within us all.

Mary Mary…

Uncategorized, , , , ,

As Spring has begun to emerge in NYC I’ve realized officially that while I don’t miss our tiny apartment in Harlem, I do miss the neighborhood.  As antisocial as I can be, I miss the small neighborhood feeling of being in residential a brownstone neighborhood where the tallest building for a few blocks around is not more than four of five stories high. And nothing beats living across from Marcus Garvey Park and watching the seasons change in the foliage there. Ohhh, let me not get too nostalgic. It starts to get me emotional. I have to embrace my new surroundings in Inwood, which is exactly what my husband and I did this weekend.

10460538_10153418838343149_686803591596028126_n

The Cloisters in Fort Tryon Park was the one thing I had been looking forward to visiting when we moved to Inwood and we finally got to go this past Sunday. First of all, Fort Tryon is just beautiful! I can’t wait to go back when everything is in full bloom. I love that it’s so close to us on the A train. I have so many plans for that park! LOL! The lovely, leisurely ten minute walk to the Cloisters and the Cloisters Museum was perfect. When we arrived at the Cloisters I was totally enchanted by what looked like a castle or a Abbey on a steep hill. It appealed to all my childhood “Sound Of Music” indoctrinated fanaticism.

16678548384_1a482b2e2c_k

We didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to the historic details and paintings or artifacts. Mainly we walked around the beautifully assembled structure and enjoyed the peace and stillness of the architecture. I love the use of arches in Medieval European church architecture. I always have. Over the years and as a result of some art history classes I have learned a bit about the strength and receptivity of the arch. Not only is it an aesthetically pleasing shape but it is able to withstand more weight than the more traditional post and lintel door way. To me arches and archways represent the feminine and in Holy places this feels justified.

Medieval art on the other hand does nothing for me but make me cringe. Remember those reprints of Unicorn tapestry that were all the rage in the 70s? My mom had them around when I was a baby and they kinda freaked me out even then. After seeing “Unicorn in Captivity” at the Cloisters, I know my freak out was warranted. At first you think oh it’s a Unicorn that is fenced for protection in and looks pretty content. On closer inspection you see that the Unicorn has been taken by force, has been hurt and is bleeding in places were it’s been poked and prodded. Unicorns aren’t even real! Leave them alone sickos!!

I digress.

fra-angelico-the-annunciation[2]

There was one painting I saw that I remember studying in art history class whose significance has deepened for me this time around. It is one in which the Virgin Mary is visited by an angel telling her that she will give birth to the savior. The painting was commissioned by a married couple who it is said were hoping for a child of their own which is part is why they requested it. I cannot find the painting online for the life of me but it’s something like the one above.

I think what made me pay attention this time was the relatable aspect of a married couple wanting a child. It made me really look at the Virgin birth as allegorical and archetypal.  The birth of “Christ” represents the spirit of the creator in the birth of every child. Mary represents a doorway to salvation through Immaculate Conception but that doesn’t mean that sexual intercourse is evil the way many organized religions teach. To me, it means that if we are consciously and purposefully intimate, we are in communion with something bigger than ourselves in order to give birth to more love than there was before. That’s my read anyway. Also, I think Angels are very cool and Mary was just a regular chick in her time who became a celebrity because of a divine visitation. There is Mary and Oshun and an Angel in us all.

See what going to the Cloisters did to me? LOL!!

I can see myself going back there just to hang out, read, write in my journal or have a picnic with close friends. Oh joy!

I’m Urban Eve and I’m Part Dollaholic and Geek

Uncategorized, , ,
Darius
Darius Reid is the only Black Male doll I have ever lusted after. He is expensive as hell!

Not only do I have a unnecessarily large collection of dolls for an adult woman but in my spare time I am also obsessed with avatar makers, virtual selfies and graphic arts. In other words, in addition to be an introverted home-schooled vegan raised Black lady, I am also part geek. This reality is harder to negotiate when you’re Black because even when I’m in the presence of other geeks of color I question them! I judge! I judge them for not being “Black” enough when my own “Black” card has been pulled countless times.  Continue reading I’m Urban Eve and I’m Part Dollaholic and Geek →