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Romance and Hope Pushing: Southside with You

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“It’s pretty good. Want some?”

-Michelle Robbins

Southside with You 

 

I wanted to see Southside with You when it was in the theater but it kinda got by me. I didn’t hear much about viewer responses to it. No one I know saw it. It kind of just quietly flew under my radar. So I just recently watched it on Netflix, quietly, one morning in bed.

First of all, this film is beautifully shot. My cinephile eye can’t help but notice that right away. If Richard Linklater, whose films I have loved, had made a film about the Obamas first date, it would pretty much look like this. I’ve never heard of Richard Tanne, the white guy who actually did direct the film, nor was I surprised to discover a white guy was behind the camera.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Southside with You has many great elements in place for an authentically romantic film. The performances are solid for the most part, (when they don’t fall into caricature in a few scenes) with the kind of vulnerability needed to be drawn into the believable nuances and challenges of a budding partnership, particularly between two Black people struggling with the complex and tangled roots of very different backgrounds, yet meeting in the same space of oppressive double consciousness where all Black people meet in this country.

Ernie Barnes
By Ernie Barnes

Both actors, Parker Sawyer and Tika Sumpter are attractive but relatable and believable as the soon to be first Black family of The United States of America. They also have great chemistry. Music by Janet Jackson, Slick Rick and John Legend, scenes shot on location in the Chicago Southside community,  a running theme of selected paintings by Ernie Barnes whose famous painting was shown the end of the credits on “Good Times’  as well as a thread of discussion about the fictional Chicago inner city family and many more, lend an authentic Black aesthetic to the film.

One scene in particular that I love is when Michelle and Barack come across a community African drum circle and a little girl comes up and takes Michelle’s hand inviting her to dance. Michelle, who up until now presents herself very conservatively, and has only accepted the terms of being out with Barack by calling it a business meeting, throws him her pocket book to him and gets down to African drums with no hesitation. As Barack watches her warmly and intently, it’s easy to see that his heart is opening to her.

Less comfortable scenes include Baracks speech at a Black community church where he gives what has now become a the well known, hope infused, not all white Americans (without ever  using the word White) are racist, you can’t judge everyone, Americans are basically good at the core spiel to convince Black people that their struggles to build a community center have less to do with the fact that they are fighting against systemic racism and more to do with the fact they’re just looking at the situation in the wrong way.

Apparently all they needed to do flip the word no… to on…

Yes, on.

Carry on…

BLANK STARE

The second scene to make my heart sink was when Michelle, upon leaving the theater where they had seen “Do the Right Thing” (my personal fave Spike Lee film) is waiting outside while Barack uses the facilities and runs into their boss at the legal firm and his wife. They have just seen the film as well and are having some typical white people feelings about it. This scene is awkward as fuck for so many reasons. Michelle who hates the idea of being social with a Jr. employee in her work place because she’s afraid it will disparage her credibility as legal aid with her boss scrambles to make up a lie about who she’s seen the film with. So then Barack comes out, white boss introduces Barack with great honors to his wife and asks Barack what he makes of the explosive conclusion of the film. Barack tells him that Mookie did it as a way to distract the angry mob from killing Sal. Barack says this like it’s the smartest, most clever shit to say and when white boss leaves, tells Michelle that he only said it to protect his white fragility,  and I guess ultimately to protect their positions at the firm. Michelle is furious at being caught by white boss outside of the office with Barack and storms off, with an I told you so rant.

UUUUUUUUUUUGGGHH!!!

Because God forbid Michelle should care about a Black man who works in her office and her White boss should see it and allow it to negatively inform any decisions about her and her career. All I saw in this scene were the long term and not very dissimilar affects of chattel slavery where in we did not have the freedoms to choose our work our partners or the ability to stay with our families without the fear of shame, torture and death. It reminded me of the time a white guy I was seeing in college once told me that I was only interested a certain Black man because he was…Black. I didn’t check him on that at the time because I didn’t even want to believe I’d heard it.

But I never forgot.

I did enjoy watching what felt like genuine intimacy building between the actors playing Michelle and Barack. I enjoyed seeing them see one another’s imperfections and be drawn to one another for ways in which those imperfections made them beautiful. You could really see how Michelle sharpened and challenged Barack and how he challenged her as well as respected, admired and adored her.

Honestly, I’m a big sap and it’s just wonderful seeing Black people loving each other on the screen. The fact that it was about Michelle and Barack just made me more sentimental about watching.

Sentimental….but not blind.

 

The Black Erotica Social Media Movement

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Let’s not hide from each other. Let’s not cover up what we feel is natural. I want to be free with you. I want you to be free with me. I want to talk, laugh, joke, play and stay in our bare skin for the entire day. Why would we cover ourselves? I find you beautiful and you find me the same. From the soles of our feet to the details of our skin that cover our veins. I see no reason to make you wonder because what you want from me is more than physical. I want to see you as you are. Fully with nothing covering your blemishes or scars. Don’t hide from me and I won’t hide from you…

-expressionsuntold

When I was in High School there was a book of short stories and poetry called Erotic Noir that my BF and I were crazy for. It was this large book of beautifully affirming, liberating self-loving, candid, intimate tales of Black sexiness. It was of course the only book of Black Erotica of I found on the bookstore shelves at the time. There was nothing else to compare it to so it was a very special book for me. That was back in the day when I wrote religiously. I never was and still am not very good at writing about graphic intimacy or sexual experiences and so I would read and immerse myself and admire but I remained uncomfortable with actually writing anything like it.

Thanks White Male Patriarchy.

….actually, no thank you.

But thanks to being raised in a household where I was free to run around naked until I learned to be self conscious, I’ve always been pretty comfortable being naked. But as a Black women however (probably as any woman) it doesn’t matter how comfortable you are being naked. In this world, you learn how to become self-conscious even about being un-self conscious.

Continue reading The Black Erotica Social Media Movement →

The Get Down Gang

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I’m not really sure how “The Get Down” turned out to be as good a show as it is. I haven’t had a chance to go through all the credits but I’m pretty sure Nas, Nelson George and Grandmaster Flash himself are among the list of producers.  I was pretty sure I would never watch it because I was not looking forward to what I felt was the dominant casting of light skinned Blacks in the leading roles in order to capture viewers. But I wanted to spend time with my husband and he invited me to join him to watch it. So of course I said yes, with reservations.

We’ve only watched the first episode, which is an epic hour and 45 minutes long and I’m already blown away, not so much by the characters initially, which take a minute to really grow on you because of creator, Baz Lurhmman’s traditional A.D.D. direction of editing. The attempt to crunch visual story telling, which mixes old 70s footage of the Bronx with set recreations of circa 70s Bronx, with what was going on in hip-hop, politics, the economy and the neighborhood, while also telling a young love story and the genesis of a rise to fame through mythical hip-hop iconography is dizzying and trippy as fuck.

Of course, I kinda like that.

Just about every frame has something critical to communicate to the viewer. It appears to be cut specifically for the purpose of nostalgia and also drawing connections from the past to the present day sense of Black musical trends and the culture and style and politics that shape it.

I don’t know yet about the episodes to come but there are very few long takes in “The Get Down” episode one. It’s all about movement, color, story telling, and emotionally hyperbolic placement in the artifice, magic, substance fueled, kinetic, beauty of Black people and culture in 1970s Bronx.

Cadillac
Cadillac something what he wants

There is a dance scene where Cadillac, one of the main character’s opponents, shows everyone just how much power he has by claiming the dance floor. Wearing an all white suit, Cadillac attempts to shift the course of budding romance between lead character Ezekial and Mylene, the girl whose affections they both seek, through the power of dance. This incredible scene made us think about how dance is primarily social, tribal, spiritual and a form of communication that conveys celebration, love, intimacy, challenge, violence, domination, attitude, posturing and more.

There are many things that blew me away in this episode, like the way that the paths between the mythical Shaolin who scales roofs and jumps from building to building risking life and limb for an album and Ezekial, the young, unrealized wordsmith (MC,) converge to form the beginning of a life changing relationship.  It speaks to the importance of having a gang or a squad a team of people to support one another and to belong to.

Also, the dialogue tends to go from verbal to lyrical to musical at any moment and I was often left wondering if I was listening correctly or hearing correctly. “The Get Down” is not only a nostalgic and visual feast for the senses. I was uniquely impressed by the heart in it, particularly in the friendship among the young men. I really look forward to seeing how this energy, along with the pace and epic scope of such an ambitious first episode can be maintained for two seasons.

Not Panicking: Lessons from The Retrogrades

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quote_slowDown_Jason_Fried-3 2

Retrogrades are not negative, they simply shift us around so we can get back into alignment.

Retrograde energy is also highly feminine and in these patriarchal times, on a subconscious level, many of us struggle to accept and integrate feminine energy into our every day lives.

-The Retrograde Effect April 2017

 

I’ve been actively practicing the art of not panicking since five planets (Jupiter, Venus, Mercury, Saturn and Pluto) went Retrograde this year, starting with  Jupiter on February 6th. I knew that if I was going to make it through without losing it, I would have to at the very least cultivate more patience than usual, not only with other people but also with myself.

It hasn’t always been successful. I like things to be where I need them to be, I need things to function as I need them to and I need to be able to communicate as well as I can, whenever necessary.

Continue reading Not Panicking: Lessons from The Retrogrades →

If I gotta slap a pussy ass nigga, I wanna make it looks sexy too!

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So much of what I learned about Kendrick in this interview with Jay Rubin were things I suspected from having listened to this work thus far and from listening to DAMN like so many times since it dropped. I don’t even know how many times I’ve listened to it.

As a fellow Gemini, I recognize several core elements of Lamar’s personality off the bat. I can tell a bit about who his musical influences are. I can tell he loves film and visual mediums. By now I’ve heard him use his voice to morph into numerous different characters and personalities which is a very Geminian trait; exploration of self through multitudinous expressions, experimentation, ease with adaptation and emphasis on the craft of storytelling.

I’m fascinated by his ability to use his many voices so purposefully, to not get lost or overwhelmed or scattered which is often one of my greatest challenges with expression. I mean, I’m sure he’s challenged by it but at the end of the day he puts something out that is cohesive, wildly original, unapologetic, alive, authentic and uncompromising. As Rubin says, you don’t have to agree with it to be able to respect it because you know it’s something he truly connects to. That alone is deeply inspiring to me.

The first song of Kendricks that caught my ear was “Hood Politics.” It was playing in a small Black owned Wine store in Harlem that I had wandered into with my friend Cece  one evening. I remember trying to make out the words in the hook so I could file it away mentally so that I could look it up again later. I feel like he did three or four distinctly different things on that track that morphed into one another in unexpected and not altogether cognitive ways. Similarly to the structure of some Bjork’s tracks, I was excitingly jarred by the disjointedness of it. I wanted to hear it again. I wanted to listen closer, take it apart, decode it, ponder his choices. It’s really rare that I feel like I hear something new, which is not to say that that I don’t hear anything I like and even love. But new?

Of course nothing is ever really new upon closer inspection. But fresh new interpretations of the old are definitely worth examining deeply because they often signal the beginning of new movements, a shifting of collective consciousness towards what it means to truly not give a fuck about oppressive establishments, governments, systems and regimes. It makes those of us seeking out definitions of freedom, perk up and take notice. Someone understands. Someone else feels similar. Someone else has made the leap of faith that comes with baring your soul at the risk of perceived failure. Though it seems impossible to me that being authentic and vulnerable could ever truly be met with failure. How can you fail when you’re being real?

Check out out Rubin’s interview with Kendrick here.

 

Pink Moon/Sacred Intimacy

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“I saw it written and I saw it say,
a pink moon is on it’s way.
And none of you stand so tall.
A pink moon gonna get ye all…”
-Nick Drake
Rose Quartz
Rose Quartz from Chakra Zulu Crystals
I’ve never actually seen a Pink Moon in my life but I did receive a rose quartz palm stone yesterday evening on the first day of the Full Pink Moon in Libra which is said to represent focus on the blossoming of new and exciting things to come in the season. It represents a call to action in the spirit to make manifest, those wishes and dreams that have been germinating during the Winter. I felt the energy of the rose quartz very deeply as I held it in my hands and on my heart. It’s a smooth, good sized stone, with a good weight and it’s arrival in my life right now is very timely.
Things have been very intense for my husband and I in the last few weeks. We’re planning a short getaway this weekend for a change of scenery, some peace, quiet, to be closer to nature, to do some spiritual healing work.
The-Spirit-of-Intimacy
Speaking of Spirit, I strongly, deeply, adamantly recommend that everyone, Black people in particular, read “Intimacy of the Spirit” by Sobonfu Some. My partner in the Divine Feminine Movement shared it with me a while ago and it has really been a revelation for me on many levels. It has helped me to reflect on and indicate the ways in which intimacy has worked in my relationships, how much or how little respect I have for it and in which relationships. It has shed so much light on the huge role secrecy, shame and pain have in most all models of relationship here in America and in all Western societies. It’s not easy or fun to dig into the ways in which, perhaps I have taken advantage of, overlooked, dismissed, manipulated or mistreated intimacy in my life but this book is also really confirming for me, so much of the strong underlying feelings I’ve had about the nature of and the power of intimacy to effect, not only those in the a committed relationship with one another but also their family, friends, loved ones, community, society and the world at large.
The spirit of intimacy is the essence  of life. Ritualized reverence and honor of that spirit is sadly devoid in most of our lives, which is evident in high rates of divorce, violence, depression, unhappiness, fragmentation, isolation and a general sense of loss. And yet ritualistic behavior is inherent to us as human beings. We just participate in too many of the wrong rituals. Rituals that erode and diminish our health, spirit, self esteem and emotional well being are the ones we know too well. Speaking ill of ourselves, playing it small, not listening to our intuitions, self medication, overeating, mindless media consumption and more. We prioritize all of these things by way of distraction from core issues that would be easier to resolve if we were surrounded by a community, a trusted circle of peers, family, friends with specific roles to play in the maintenance and support of our chosen relationships with them.
My issues with trust, shame, pain and emotional stress are not isolated or unique. I learn that more and more as I become more honest with myself and others over time. There is a collective longing for connection in all of humanity that writhes constantly under the pressure of oppressive dictates and authorities which seeks to pervert and suppress vulnerability and authenticity and truth in exchange for mere power.
The longing for connection always wins out, even if the way in which it is manifested is often disturbing and destructive. In learning about the sacredness of intimacy, the ways in which it requires constant nurturing, I am learning the ways in which this kind of long term suffering may be nipped in the bud, weeded out, eliminated from the process of living out our purpose. Sometimes it’s overwhelming to think about the far reaching generational trauma of it all, but I know at the very least I need to start with me.
That’s not a small thing.

Leetah, My Childhood Nubiamancy Idol

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Leetah is a powerful healer with the ability to mend wounds of mind and body with a touch. She is gentle and nurturing, yet fierce and tenacious when using her powers to protect those she loves. Though she now lives in the forest and follows the ways of the nocturnal Wolfriders, Leetah remains a creature of light and there is a feline elegance to her golden beauty. With the  combination of her healing power and maternal wisdom, she holds a position of honor with both the desert and the woodland tribes.

-Leetah

LeetahI don’t remember who brought Elfquest into the house. I have to imagine it was my brother because he was crazy about comics from a very young age. Sure, I read Betty and Veronica and all nature of Archie and friends comics, including Katy Keene but my brother indulged in more serious, dramatic comics with darker, racier themes. Elfquest was one of them. And somehow, my mom started reading them as well because I recall that she was the last person to take over that collection Presently, I am still in possession of the X-men collection.

Yeah, the three of us were nerds.

But back to Elfquest. What drew me to this comic was the story of the Sun people and the powerful healer among them, Leetah. As a young girl, when I saw Leetah I saw a super feminine, Black being, a loving, healing, psychic, intoxicatingly beautiful, maternal woman, who above all things, was proud and unashamed of her femininity. She kept a beautiful golden dagger strapped to her thigh and was raised among people, who, like many native and indigenous tribes, understood and revered the power of women in their community. The Sun Folk gave daily praise and deference to the power of nature in all things. They lived in an advanced, civilized, agrarian society while their pale counterparts, the Wolfriders, lived in caves, fleeing from humans and all manner of treachery, danger and inherited fears. Of course the Wolfriders end up invading the Sun Folk because they’re starving, need shelter and stuff and don’t trust nobody, have no home training and are savages.

The usual.

It didn’t offend me at the time, when Leetah, despite herself, recognized Cutter, the leader of the Wolf Riders, as her soul mate. The story, not surprisingly, is written and illustrated by a white couple. White people are always both dependent on us for their survival to the point of depletion, yet somehow completely incapable of anything resembling proportional gratitude or compensation in any but the most useless words and empty symbolic gestures.

leetah_glitter_download3_by_foxfirered

Always, in the foreground of my consciousness, as a I read this comic book I loved, was the sense of regret and resentment of the trouble, the strife and violence that was forced upon the Sun Folk when the Wolfriders entered their lives. Before they arrived, the Sun people lived for a long time in peace and harmony, with their traditions and rituals, obeying the forces of nature and the ways of their ancestors. But without the Wolfriders, there would be no quest. Or to put it another way, heroic narratives told by oppressors only begin with their invasion of a people. The lives the of those people before colonization is rarely made accessible to the mainstream.

From the beginning, the history of race relations, after the construction of race was created, in order to tip the balance of privilege to Caucasians, has been inextricably predicated upon the necessity of violence, genocide, rape, murder, torture and gentrification of Black and Brown peoples. No fictional story which includes the entrance of Europeans or pale races, into the land of a peaceful, nature abiding, indigenous, diasporic peoples ever ends well for those people.

The merging of Wolfriders and the Sun people or rather Leetah with Cutter, was not without its challenges. Rayek, a powerful warrior in Leetah’s tribe who loved and wanted her as his mate, was naturally painted as a petty and unworthy opponent who retreats into self-exile after losing the trial for her heart. But of course the Sun Folk never intended to fight the Wolfriders because they were not a fighting people….

Blank stare…

They were peaceful and welcoming. And ultimately, the Wolfriders had no intent to wage war on the Sun Fok. They were just seeking sanctuary and shelter from their persecutors and a pit stop from a fearful, desperate and nomadic way of living. But the fear, violence and destruction they sought refuge from, followed them eventually. And this time, when the Wolfriders fled the Village of the Sun Folk, Leetah went with them; her fate tied to people she was not akin to but would be bound to forever.

Oshun
Oshun

Still, in a world of whitewashed, female heroes, whose stories were set in the cold and concrete realities of patriarchal metropolitan societies or futuristic wastelands, I found refuge in Leetah’s journey as a Brown woman living in harmony with nature.  With the full knowledge of her purpose as a healer, mother and potential life partner, and as someone who was raised among elders whom she worshipped, Leetah was accustomed to going to them for wisdom and guidance as a way of life. In a very Oshun like way, she was surrounded with beauty, love, fertility, abundance, intuition and fierce capability I rarely ever saw in Black female comic characters.  So for me, Leetah was a very early example of Goddessness personified.

 

 

 

Dance is life

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One of the many initial ways I discovered my love for my husband was through dancing with him. We first danced together at a spot he used to frequent with his HS friends on the upper west side. I was completely swept away. It is a moment I recall as if no time has passed and whenever we dance together, I feel it again as if nothing has changed. I close my eyes and feel as if I’m soaring. I feel all his love and happiness surging through me, and nothing else matters. Dancing with a partner is a unifying kind of intimacy that incorporates innate rhythm in a way I’ve always loved. We move together, follow one another, improvise, change with the timing, guide one another, free one another, hold on to one another and create energy that can only be produced as a result of this one of a kind collaboration.

I felt exactly the same dancing with my love last night in the Bronx, at Mamajuanas, a place my brother and his wife took us to for some dancing and much needed turn up time. I usually have to drag him to go out to social events but he can’t resist an invitation from my brother so I knew we were going. It was a night that began with all kinds of sketchy, and dramatic events  and we didn’t even end up to spot we had initially planned on, but we pushed through it and found our way to a space with great vibes and great music, run by and dominated with sexy, soul filled people of the Diaspora who just wanted to have a good time.

I haven’t been out dancing in some time and I didn’t get out of bed until around 3pm on Sunday. LOL! But As I write this, my body feels no pain whatsoever. I’m quite happy, feeling quite blessed and ready for the work week ahead.

My First Waist Beads

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In African tradition, waist beads are meant to be worn under clothing. They’re for you. It’s personal.

–Tica Bowden

Yesterday, after work, I picked up my very first set of waist beads from a friend in Brooklyn, who creates them by hand. It’s been quite a long time coming and finally, everything I needed to be able to commission them, lined up so I could make my order. I met Janice through my BF soulsistah4real who conducted an interview with her in 2015. I ran into her at a party for a mutual friend last month and took the opportunity to speak to her about making a set of waist beads for me with some specific energy and intention poured into them.

When Janice sent me the photo of my waist beads, I loved them right away. She used the color I love and the stones that were necessary for the intentions I am setting. Putting them on was like putting on something that belonged on me. They’re not irritable or foreign feeling at all, at least not so far. They lay comfortably just along my waistline, under my belly. They’re so light, I sometimes forget they’re even on.

Waistbeads

As I lay in bed last night, feeling them on my skin, it felt as if they were at home on me, like a part of me I didn’t know I needed. I don’t have any tattoos but I imagine this is something like what people who love tattoos feel like. It’s also wonderful to be connected to other women through an ancient tradition. It’s something beautiful  and meaningful, which is tucked away and unnoticed, yet always there and sometimes peeking through.

When we were last at Spa Castle, lounging in the hot pools on the lower level, I remember we saw several sistahs wearing waist beads. You would think that just being naked was sensual enough but waist beads have a way of enhancing feminine energy in a distinct and way that varies in nature from delicate and demure to bold and extroverted but always sexy

Like another BF of mine said, waist beads tell a story. And I know that in ancient times women who were proficient in the language of stones and colors, knew what those stories were, what tribe a woman was from, how old she was, what she was wishing for, going through, celebrating, expressing or meditating on, based on her waist beads.

The look on my husband’s face when I showed him was priceless. He was like a kid in candy store! LOL! I know it was a new feeling for him. Even I could not have anticipated the feeling I had when I put them on, and saw them on myself the first time. It’s a uniquely pleasurable experience that is a welcome departure from Western ideas about sexuality and what makes a woman beautiful.

I’m very glad that these particular waist beads are my very first set. I know they will not be the last.

Play Grown Black Girl! Play!

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I’ve been into adult play for as long I’ve officially been an adult.

No wait! Not “50 Shades of Grey” play! Actual play! Like with toys.

Not those kinds of toys!

Likes dolls and vinyl figures and things…

Have I lost all credibility here?

Ok. My point is, I am a fully grown Black woman with a healthy sense of play who loves colorful, glittery, cutesy, useless shit. And I’ve recently found one other in a small handful of Black women I know who probably understands me, though I haven’t met her yet. LOL!!

The beginning of this insane year found me spending way more time watching youtube than actual TV for several key reasons.

  1. Mental health/The White People’s President inches us closer to Armageddon everyday
  2. Health and Beauty tutorials
  3. I can customize my youtube feed so that it’s nothing but a world of Black people

Through my wig obsession, which is currently winding down, I discovered videos from so many wonderfully talented, stylish and creative Black woman, many of whom I follow, but one in particular who I know gets a pretty quirky side of me. Inn her latest video she totally validates my right to self care through playing with and enjoying stupid toys.

She’s Black.

She’s grown.

She has kids. (Adorable ones!)

She likes toys.

In addition to her awesome wig reviews, skinnygirlfathair aka Aisha does reviews on all manner of Grown Black Girl nerdiness. And I just appreciate her for being brave and experimental and sharing things that not many of us might choose to share, all the while framing it within Black Girl Magicalness and self care. Because lord knows part of my self care routine has very often included, strolling to the Japanese bookstore during lunch, buying a Unicorno blindbox and unwrapping it at my desk just to be like, what could this be? WEEE!!! Hey, look at that! Let me introduce you to some friends! LOL!

We got all kinds of Grown Black Girl joy and whimsy going down on the internets! If you’re a Grown Black Girl who loves to play with dollies and sparklies and tiny plastic creatures in your spare time, I applaud you! Go forth and play!